Page 77 of Condemned Soul

“Called where?” He sits himself up and puts out his smoke in the ashtray.

“To see Prez,” I explain watching him start to look as curious as I am. “Come on, we’re ridin’ out there now.”

Hayden nods back at me, still looking confused as he kisses his girl and comes toward me.

“You know what this is about?” he asks as we saddle our bikes.

“Not a fuckin’ clue, but I guess we’ll find out.”

I join Jimmer in the visitor’s room once the two younger members of his club have left. He’s staring at the hands he has crossed over the table and looking deep in thought. I’ve been intrigued to watch the reactions of the men who have come to visit him over the past few days. Each one of them seems sad to be losing him, and I can’t help bearing the weight of that. Each day that I learn more about Jimmer Carson, I question what I’m doing. These past few nights I’ve lay in bed at night and asked myself, over and over, how I can go through with condemning a good man.

I tell myself that I’m offering him a way to save the people he loves. But, in reality, I’m tearing him away from them.

“Looks like you’ve had a tough day.” I take a seat.

“You wouldn’t believe.” He keeps his head down and the slight tremble of his hands reminds me that this man, who fears no one, is actually human.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” I reach across and cover them with mine to steady them.

“No.” He looks up at me and shakes his head. It suddenly makes me wonder what it would feel like being here to visit him, instead of ruining him.

“Your family really love you.” I offer him some words of encouragement because he sure looks like he could use them.

“They’re all very special people,” he growls

“Brought together by a very special man,” I remind him. Taking a pause before I reach into my satchel and place the envelope on the table between us.

“What’s that?” He frowns at it.

“It’s the terms and conditions you had me send to the governor. He signed it.” I keep my eyes closed because I don’t want to see the look on his face. Each day that comes closer to the end of his time here seems to get harder. I’m fully aware of what happens to men like Jimmer when they get put away. Life in prison will be tough. Each day will be a battle for survival.

“It’s everything you wanted, right down to the jail you requested.” I swallow down the urge to speak what’s on my mind. I’m too involved in all this, already.

“Thank you.” His voice comes out low and soft, it barely sounds like him and it breaks my heart.

“I want you to reconsider it,” I blurt out.

“And why would ya want that?” I don’t know if he’s being brave or if he finds amusement in my request when he looks up and smiles at me.

“You know why. It’s too close. There are too many of the people you helped Roswell put away inside those walls.”

“You’ve been doin’ your homework.” He rests back in his seat and folds his arms. All traces of the weak man I saw just seconds ago are gone. This is him giving me a front.

“This isn't a joke, Jimmer. You don’t have to put on that act for me. Think of all the people that love you, you could request any facility you want.”

“It wouldn’t change the outcome.” There’s far too much acceptance in his tone and it makes me want to reach across the table and shake some sense into him.

“Too many people care about you for you to think that way. From what I’ve heard, you’ve fought your whole life. Why give up now?” I try so hard to understand him.

“Why does that matter to you?” He turns the question on me and I don’t like the way his words make me feel detached from him. Maybe that's unhealthy for me to admit, given the position I’m in, but it’s the truth.

“Because I care about you. I’m getting to know the man behind the face of Jimmer Carson and I’m liking him a whole lot,” I admit.

“Well, that right there's your first mistake, darlin’.” There it is again, that smile he tries to fool everyone with. I refuse to believe that a man, who is prepared to make such a great sacrifice for the people he cares about, isn’t scared at the thought of never seeing them again.

“Stop acting like all this is okay.” I blink back the tears that are threatening to come.

“I’m sorry, Consuela, what would ya like me to do? Hate you for this, slam you up against that wall, and fuck you with all the anger I’ve got burnin’ inside me for ya? I’m sorry, but I don’t hate ya, I’m not mad at ya. I’m…” He suddenly cuts himself off and takes a long steady breath. “Without you, I’d be losin’ everythin’, and so would they.” He takes the written deal out of the envelope and reads it over then, placing it back inside, he slams it on the table.

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