Page 59 of So Insane

“The mayor’s sealing it off,” he said. “They’re paying the construction crew to close off all of the entrances. It won’t make up for the money they’re losing now that the warehouse isn’t being built anymore, but it’s something.”

“So that’s it for Granger, huh?” Michael asked.

“Oh, people will stay behind,” Jones said. “Some people like to live apart. They can keep to their own ways without having to concern themselves with reality outside of their little bubble. I guess everyone’s like that in a way.”

Michal nodded agreement. Faith didn’t. Some people didn’t have the luxury of living in bubbles anymore. She could retire today and move to Alaska with Turk and spend the rest of her life living off of the land, but she would never be able to unremember the faces of the dead innocents she’d seen over the years, never be able to unsee Trammell’s leer or West’s contemptuous smirk or Benny’s sunken face.

Her bubble had been burst, and so had those of Shawna and Frankie. They could retreat into normalcy for the rest of their lives, but Faith was willing to bet there would still be nights while they woke up screaming, certain that they were back underground running from a murderer.

Michael had once told her that a part of her never left Trammell’s barn, and he was right. When you locked eyes with death, death always took something. It never left you whole.

Maybe it was time for Faith to come to terms with that.

***

In the airplane, Michael and Faith enjoyed coffee and a light breakfast. The exhaustion of the past several days finally settled on Faith. She felt exhausted, more so than she had ever been.

She thought again of Decker, this time the day after they had been caught by the platoon sergeant just before the culmination of their tryst. They had looked at each other, and whatever Decker saw in Faith’s eyes must have told him he wasn’t getting another chance with her. He looked disappointed for a moment, but in true Decker fashion, his disappointment was short-lived.

He grinned at Faith and said, “Well, it was good exercise, at least.”

She chuckled, and Michael said, "What's so funny?"

She shook her head. “Just remembering something an old friend said about exercise.”

“Well, this is definitely the most physically active case we’ve dealt with so far,” Michael said. “I should take a few more of these cases. I’ll end up with my college body, and then Ellie will be really happy to see me when I get home.”

Faith smiled softly, the most she could manage in her own weary state. “TMI,” she said.

“Oh, whatever. Tell me you don’t get excited to go home and see David.”

Her smile faded. David was probably lost to her. She had asked too much of him, and now he was taken from her as West said he would be.

But Michael wasn’t. She looked at him and said, “You were right.”

He grinned. “Well, yeah, always, but what specifically am I right about today?”

“I never left Trammell’s barn.”

Michael’s smile faded. “Hey, look, Faith, I was angry when I said that. It’s not true.”

“Yes, it is,” she said. “It’s true. I nearly died. What’s more, I nearly died because I was beaten. Trammell laid in wait for me, beat me, tied me to a chair and mutilated me.”

Michael shifted in his seat, uncomfortable with Faith’s bluntness. To tell the truth, she wasn’t remotely comfortable with this herself, but that would never change as long as she refused to acknowledge it.

“And it affected me,” she said. “Deeply. I recovered physically, but the mental scars are still there, and they always will be.”

He pressed his lips together and nodded. “I’m so sorry, Faith,” he said, “I really am. I hate that this happened to you. If there was anything I could do to help, I would.”

There was something he could do, but now wasn’t the right time to ask him to help her pursue West. So, she said, “There’s nothing you can do. There’s nothing anyone can do. Even I can’t do anything to stop it. It’s a part of me now. That sucks, and I hate it, but it’s the truth. I will always have been nearly killed by Jethro Trammell and badly beaten twice by Franklin West. That’s just reality.

“So, I have two choices. I can let the knowledge that I’ve been hurt and that hurt will affect me for the rest of my life cause me to lose control and alienate the people who love me, destroy my career and turn me into someone selfish and disgusting, or I can accept it and do the best I can to live a good life, to care for others and to maintain the relationships that are important to me.”

“Does this mean that you’re giving up on West?” Michael asked.

Faith hesitated a moment before answering, but she kept her eyes on his when she said, “No. I’m not giving up on him. Maybe that’s wrong of me, but I won’t insult your intelligence by lying to you. I still want him, and I’ll still put myself at risk to get him.”

Michael sighed deeply and said, “Well, wherever you go and whatever you do, Faith, if you need me, call. This time, I’ll answer.”

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