Page 76 of Tell Me Lies: Manlove Edition

“I am. I was and I am.” He wasn’t going to deny it. “I’ve told you I hated you. I did because you had everything I wanted—parents who supported you for real, friends who seemed more authentic than anyone I hung out with, you were musical from the start and could be yourself. You weren’t stuck in a box the way I was.”

The muscle in Will’s jaw twitched, but he said nothing.

“I said it before and I’ll say it again. I wanted you to hurt like I did.” His voice clogged in his throat. Damn, being honest wasn’t any fun. But it’d make for a good song. He’d channel his pain and frustration into a tune tonight.

“What were you going to accomplish by hurting me? You made me look like a fool. I used to want to hide and I found ways to avoid you,” Will said. “You treated me like dirt.”

“I wanted you to confront me and ask why I was so mean. I thought you’d ask and I’d be strong enough to tell you. When I told you, you’d feel sorry for me? A kinship? You’d see it wasn’t so much that I hated you, but that I wanted to be with you?”

“Why would I see those things?”

“Because they were the truth.” They are the truth.

“What?” Will shook his head again. “I didn’t get the feeling you liked me at all. Quite the opposite.”

“I was wrong.”

“No shit.”

He deserved that. He hooked his fingers in his front pockets again. “I was a mixed-up kid. I was led to believe if I treated you like crap, you’d see it as interest and you’d talk to me. If you talked to me, then we might be friends. We might have things in common. But I was wrong. It was the wrong tactic and it failed me. Then I hid who I was because it was easier to hide than to be honest. No one wanted the real me—not even my parents.”

“That’s not fair.” Will’s shoulders sagged and the anger seemed to evaporate within him. “I’m sorry it happened.”

“Would you have given me the time of day? If I’d have been honest?” Carsten asked.

“No.”

He should’ve known.

“Not because I wasn’t interested, but because you’d treated me so poorly up to that point,” Will said. “That wasn’t the dance I wanted to do with you. If you’d have treated me like a person and confided in me, we could’ve been friends. I’m sorry your family was trash to you and if I’d have known, I’d have tried to help.”

The words made him pause. Would’ve helped? “Were you attracted to me?”

“Depends on how you define attracted.” Will ducked behind his desk, putting space between him and Carsten. “Did I think you had a great body? I did. Would I have loved to have a guy like you interested in me? I would’ve liked to have explored the possibilities.”

“But?” There had to be a but.

“Your attitude put me off.”

“It should’ve. I was a dick.”

“You were.”

“Does it help to know I’m sorry? I regret everything I said and did?” he asked. “It’s the truth. I wasted a lot of time and I hated that I did it because I was miserable and I see just how miserable I made you. You’re right. It wasn’t fair.”

“No.” Will rested his knuckles on his desk. “If you’re looking for forgiveness, then you’ve got it. We all make mistakes and you’ve seen the error of yours. I commend you for being so honest with yourself and now me.”

“Thanks.” He didn’t want simple forgiveness.

“You’re free.” Will settled on his chair. “Go out there and do the best concert you can because your heart is free.”

“It’s not.” Far from it. He rounded Will’s desk. “I want something more from you.”

“Are you going to hurt me?” Will winced. “I don’t fight.”

“Who said I wanted to fight?” He turned Will in his chair to face him and grasped the armrests.

“What do you want, then?” Will’s eyes widened.

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