Page 65 of Tainted Gifts
"You love him," she says as soon as the door closes.
Araya Crush has always gone straight for the jugular. No surprise she doesn't hold back right now.
"That's nothing new. I've told you that before, but it's not like I can be with him. Kellan is my counter. Jase is just the full blood I fell in love with first."
She frowns, seeming to understand my little dilemma, considering her own issues in the past.
"You don't love Kellan?"
"No," I groan, covering my face with my hands. "I wish I could. I'm sure I will when we bond, but it's... it's just... I feel the draw, but that's it. Everything else is sexually charged. There's no love. He's trying so hard, but I don't think he even knows what love is."
She pulls me to her, offering me her motherly embrace as my tears fall to sizzle against her shirt.
"It'll happen, Aralia. But you don't have to be with anyone you don't want to be. Counters aren't meant to keep you from being happy. They're meant to make you happy."
I'm not happy though. I feel obligated, weighted, bound... but not happy.
"How did you do it?" I ask, curious. "I mean, you fell in love with Dad and Uncle Brazen. Was that not fucked up?"
She laughs, tears staining her eyes as she nods. "Definitely fucked up. When I met Hale Banner, I thought he was an arrogant hybrid son of a bitch. Ten minutes later, I was swooning and desperate to be in his arms. I thought I was going crazy.
"I loved him. Heart, mind, soul, body... I loved him with everything I had to offer. Then he hurt me. Though your father had the best of intentions, he hurt me. I didn't know at the time he was trying to save my life, and I honestly thought he didn't love me. I didn't want to move on, didn't think I could.
"Then I met Brazen. He was.... damn, he was special. Still is. He pieced me back together the way I never thought anyone could. I fell in love, and I fell hard. Had your father not come back into my life, I would have stayed with Brazen.
"But Hale did come back, and as much as I loved Brazen, I still loved Hale more. I didn't think I'd survive the end of his span, but Hale was amazing. He and Brazen became best friends over the years, and he loved me so much that he wanted Brazen to pick me up as soon as he could. Hale knew his death would destroy me, and it damn near did."
I blink back tears, soaking in all of her words as she wipes her eyes.
"I didn't know you were struggling that much. Why didn't you tell me? I could have been there for you. Rex too," I murmur, feeling guilty.
She kisses my forehead, her hybrid heat starting to hurt me. I ignore the pain, wishing I could shut down everything and reboot my system.
"I'm your mother. It's not your job to worry about me, and you had your own pain to suffer through. And, I had Brazen. He was a friend, not a lover at that time. He sat up with me, let me cry my terrible tears. He comforted me for so long, and then one day, the grief lessened. Now I love him so much more than I did before.
"I think the universe knew I'd need someone when my counter was gone. I wasn't designed like a normal hybrid, so I was given two very different but phenomenal men for the two very different sections of my life. Maybe the same is true for you."
I sigh, thinking about how much crazier my life is than hers was.
"The problem is, Kellan is immortal. Just like you. Just like me. There's no place for Jase."
She breathes in a deep breath of realization, absorbing the depth of my turmoil. Destined to be with a man I don't yet love, and in love with a man I'm not meant to be with. It's fu-
"It's fucked up," my mother says, finishing my thought for me and making me almost laugh bitterly. "But, Kellan has gone savage, and he will go savage again. The bond will form then, and you'll be unfathomably drawn to him in a way that will make your mind blow. It's up to you how to treat Jase in the meantime. I realize that will be hard, considering how much you need him right now, but in two days, you'll be free to make such a grave decision."
I don't even want to think about it.
"When I'm touching Jase, I don't even think about Kellan as anything other than just a hybrid. It's so confusing because of how much I love-"
The door opens, revealing a wide-eyed Corbin as he rushes toward us, stumbling over his own feet in his haste.
"Where's Brazen?" he asks, coming to stand before us while dumping the contents of his satchel.
"Right here," Uncle Brazen says while returning with Jase. "We went to meet you at the entrance, but we must have missed you. We had to stop by Simone's room. She was working with Jase's blood to try and find a cure for Aria. We wanted her to know it wasn't necessary."
Fury surges the second Simone's name is mentioned. She went after Jase. How dare she.
"And Kellan," he murmurs, tilting his head as he studies me.
