Page 78 of Caesar DeLuca
I search the well of my own thoughts to find what could possibly be wrong. It’s clear Caesar has returned from mafia business. Does he blame me for what has transpired with Alfredo? Does he think I’ll blame him for whatever it is?
“Caesar,” I murmur. “Are you… do you want to talk?”
“A more accurate question is, are you going to tell me why you didn’t mention that Alfredo Carisi was your ex?”
Air deflates from my lungs, a soft sigh blowing out of me. I should’ve known this is what it would be about. My fingers clutch the hem of my pajama top and I take a second to sort out how to explain myself.
“I told you from the beginning I wasn’t going to divulge private information.”
“Alfredo Carisi being your ex is more than private information, Ariana. It was a lie by omission from the moment I told you what had happened to me. You were aware of the feud between us, and you kept it hidden that you were his lover!”
I cringe at the raised volume of his voice. “I had enough reasons!”
“Did you? Like what? I’d love to hear them. Go ahead and share.”
“My private information,” I repeat to counter the sarcasm dripping from him. “I was never going to be an open book, and if that’s what you’re expecting—you don’t understand me. How could I know how you would even take it? The woman who rescued you from the side of the road happens to have affiliations with the Carisi family? As suspicious as you were? You would’ve thought it was a conspiracy against you!”
“I promised I wouldn’t hurt you?—”
“Freddie promised he would love me and look what happened!” I blurt out in frustration. The sudden emotion washing over me makes my throat feel dry and stiff. “I didn’t know if I could trust you and then feelings got involved and I became confused. I didn’t know what to think. If I told you the truth, I didn’t know if you’d want to go after him even more than you did already. If you were going to get involved in some mafia war over me! Which is basically what happened anyway after the truth came out!”
I fall silent after my rant, trying to settle my breath. Caesar’s made no attempt to interrupt me, given no sign he’s even recognized what I’ve said. Though his intense, scrutinous stare persists.
I’m not sure what to expect, so I err on the side of caution. I turn away from Caesar and scan the rest of the area as if in search of an exit. Emotionally, I’m doing just that, questioning if I can find an escape from what I feel.
Every step of the way, I’ve warned myself about developing feelings for Caesar, and every step of the way, my heart’s disregarded that warning.
I care about the man. I care about what he thinks and how he sees me. I’ve missed him for months, ached for his touch, and yearned for the happy ending I’d thought up, however impossible. All foolish things considering we’ve both been clear it can never work.
“Where are my things?” I ask, sniffling. “I’m going to check into a hotel.”
“Ariana.”
“I know you said some of his men might still be on the attack, but… I… I just need some space. I need time to myself.”
“Ariana, don’t move another step.” He’s closed the gap between us, whipping me around to face him. “You’re not going to do what you always do and remove yourself from the situation. There’s no removing yourself from this.”
I shake my head, puzzled by his words. “This? Caesar, I can’t stay here?—”
“I’m angry you kept your relationship with Alfredo from me,” he interrupts bluntly. His fingers clench tighter on my arms in a way that’s firm and possessive, like he’s about to pull me even deeper into him. “I’m mad you didn’t think you could trust me and even more pissed that you were afraid of what might happen. But it doesn’t change a thing about you and me.”
“There is no?—”
“I feel the way I feel,” he says, doing as I’ve expected, reeling me closer. My curvy body brushes against his solid, harder body, and I can feel it happening. Feel myself melting into him. I peer up at him as he cups a hand to the side of my neck and holds me like he’s about to plant a deep kiss on my lips. “You think some past with Alfredo is going to keep me from you? I just bashed his head to mush for all the shit he’s pulled. Not just against me and my family. But what he did to you for years. Nobody gets away with messing with you.”
My lips part out of shock. My expression blanks. “You said there could be nothing between us. The time we had together was just a moment.”
“You said the same, yet I know how you feel, Ariana,” he says. “I know because I feel the same. We have something here… something special. Are you really going to pretend otherwise?”
“The last time I…” I trail off, sighing. He’s started stroking my throat with the pad of his thumb as he peers into my eyes and makes my heart race. “Caesar, the last time I tried…”
“It ended badly for you. I’m no expert either. If somebody asked me a few months ago what I expected out of a relationship, a future marriage, I would’ve said a successful business transaction. You changed all of that without even trying.”
“You want a real relationship? None of the business stuff? None of the obedient stuff?”
His serious face shifts, his lips splitting into a one-time smile. “Yeah, I do. I want you to be mine. But I also want you to be yourself. No business, no obedience, no change necessary. Just you and me and nobody else. Just like the blizzard where we made our own world.”
I’m returning his smile before I know it, barely given a chance to before he kisses me.
