Page 26 of Caesar DeLuca
“Being in charge like that is a lot of pressure,” I say, shrugging. “Haven’t you ever felt overwhelmed by your position? You have men under you. Their lives are in your hands.”
“I do what I’ve got to do. Their lives have no bearing on decisions I make. Any that I do make are necessary given the time and circumstances.”
“So, even if your best friend’s life was on the line?—”
“I have no best friend.”
“Your brother?—”
“I’d do what I had to do.”
“Your wife… your children?—”
“I don’t let emotions affect my decision making,” he interrupts in a snappish tone. His scowl has returned, tightening his features. “I’m guessing you find it cold. You think emotion should play a part. Right?”
Shaking my head, I mutter, “I’m not sure what I think.”
“In my world, it’s life or death situations at every corner. You don’t have time to worry about feelings. You better operate off the best outcome for yourself and calculate three, four steps ahead at all times. You don’t get the luxury of anything else if you want to live.”
“I don’t know why you’re telling me this.”
“Because I need you to know that real life isn’t some story about aliens that gets wrapped up in a neat package at the end. In the real world, things can go very wrong, very fast. Real consequences can come.”
My brows knit and I forget about the half-eaten Twizzler in my hand. “I understand what real life is like!”
“Do you? Or are you too busy hiding from the world outside?”
“I was an emergency room nurse. Believe me when I say I’ve had years of life or death situations! I’ve seen suffering, I’ve been there! You have no right to assume I haven’t when you don’t know a damn thing about me!” I scream at him, erupting at once.
I leap off the sofa in a mix of anger and offense and make for the doorway. The situation has gone from fun and casual to tense and upsetting within seconds. I’m not just confused at the abrupt turn but hurt by it as well.
I had started to let my guard down. I had begun to open up and show a goofier, more relaxed side of myself to him.
And his response was to scold me? Treat me like I’m some shut-in with no real life experience?
He doesn’t get that I have more than enough real life experience. I’ve had so much that it’s left me seeking out solitude. It’s made me realize I’d rather be alone than deal with how terrible and destructive the world is.
I make it within a few footsteps of the exit before Caesar catches me by the elbow and pulls me back. I twist and shove at him to fend him off. A frustrated grunt sounds from my throat as I push him away, my hands flush against his muscled chest.
“Ari, wait?—”
“Don’t touch me! I don’t want to talk to you!”
“Why are you upset? What did I do now?”
“Get away from me if you can’t figure it out!”
“Listen,” he says, gripping me by the shoulders to force me still. He glares into my eyes, his own black and glittery. “I didn’t say what I did to hurt your feelings. I said what I did because I want you to realize you’re a sitting duck. Just like the cities in that movie.”
“What does this have to do with anything? Why can’t you just watch a movie without making it more than it is?”
He freezes, his eyes searching mine. The wrinkle between his brow deepens. So does the scowl chiseled on his face. He must find what he’s been looking for, because he releases his hold on me and turns to give me his back.
I blink, confused by this latest turn of events. I go from running to chasing as he steps away and I inch closer after him. He’s scrubbed his hands over his face as if pained or bothered by a thought. What that could be, I have no idea.
“Caesar?” I mutter. “What’s wrong?”
His shoulders lift in half a shrug and he lets out a deep breath. “I overdo it sometimes. I have a lot of thoughts on things. Too many thoughts on things. And I’m used to getting my way. I’m overbearing and hardheaded.”
