Page 26 of Kings Don't Break
What’s done is done.
I’m here in Pulsboro because that’s where Ken needs us to be, and anything short of his way is unheard of. I have to do what I always do—smile and bear it. Smile and pretend it’s okay.
I’ll have to pretend Blake doesn’t exist.
There’s not enough room for the both of us in this town.
There’s no chance I can live the life I have and endure being around the man that broke my heart in a way that hasn’t been fixed since. The torture’s too much… even for me.
My cries turn into gasps that turn into hiccups. Soon the emotion expels itself from every inch of my body until there’s nothing left.
Just a dull ache in my ribs that I’m more than used to.
Time to clean myself up. Time to get back on track. Before Ken finds out…
That terrifying thought jolts me into action—I fumble for the to-go pack of tissues I keep in the glove compartment and hurry to wipe the tear stains from my cheeks. My reflection stares back at me as I practice my smile.
An activity that’s become routine over the years.
I’m so engrossed in making sure I look presentable that I don’t notice the man walking up. His knuckles tap against the car window and make my heart flip in my chest.
My gaze slides over to find Lieutenant Gillard standing on the other side of the glass. After a shocked second, I press a finger on the button that lowers the window.
“Hey there,” he says brightly. “Here I was, picking up a couple things at the Buy N’ Save, and I thought to myself, that sure looks like Stricklin’s wife parked over here. Turns out, I was right.”
I put my smile back on. “Oh. Yes. Hello. I… I didn’t see you.”
“Sneak attack,” he laughs, leaning an arm against the car roof. “You okay there? It looked like you were crying.”
No. No. No. No!
“I’m fine,” I say quickly. “Really, I’m okay.”
“Stricklin ain’t giving you a hard time, is he? He’s a damn good cop, but he can be a regular stick-in-the-mud.”
“He’s great. He’s always great. I’m really lucky to have him. But I should get going. It was nice to see you, lieutenant.”
I leave the lieutenant stepping back with a frown as I twist the key in the ignition and swing out of my parking spot.
For the third time in a week, I’m on the run. I’m speeding off with a sense of panic ringing through me. The first two times after being ambushed by Blake. Today it’s being ambushed by one of Ken’s bosses.
“What’s wrong with my baby?” Mama asks a little while later. I’ve buckled her into the passenger seat after collecting her from her medical appointment. Her hand covers mine and worry fills her normally warm, if sometimes vacant, eyes. “You’re upset, baby. What’s wrong?”
I give her a sad smile. “I’m just happy your doctor was able to fit you in on such short notice.”
She still doesn’t seem convinced as I walk around to the other side of the car.
Our drive home is a silent one. I’m still reeling from the phone call. Mama stares out the window with keen interest like she always does these days, like she’s seeing the town for the first time.
When we pass the entrance for the highway, I’m half tempted to make a sharp turn and slam on the gas. Speed the fuck out of town and never look back.
Another alternate reality of mine, where Mama and I run away and live happily ever after elsewhere. In that fantasy we’re somehow miraculously able to afford starting over, mounting healthcare bills and all…
I blink out of the daydream and instead turn down the street that’ll take us home.
“Baby,” Mama says softly.
“Yes, Mama?”
