Page 98 of The Dating Pact

We eventually pulled apart and sat on the stoop, my right leg against his, neither of us talking for a while.

So, I started. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. None of this is your fault.”

“I shouldn’t have come over last night,” I said, a pit in my stomach because I’d caused such turmoil in his family.

“Brooke, none of this is your fault.”

I swallowed down the guilt lodged in my throat. “Feels like it, though.”

He rubbed the heels of his palms against his eyes, and I instinctually cupped the back of his head, scratching his scalp and the column of his neck. He groaned and leaned toward me. “Sebastian shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.”

“He’s upset.”

“That’s not an excuse.”

“He’s ten. He saw me in bed with his dad. Of course he wants to yell, and since he’s not going to yell at you, he’s going to yell at me.”

Jude folded his arms over his bent knees, resting his forehead on them, and I let my fingers drift to his back, scratching up and down his spine as defeat echoed in his words. “I’m the one who screwed up here. I’m the parent. It was my responsibility to be upfront with Seb about my relationship with you from the very start. Instead, I tried to control the situation, thinking I could protect him from any fallout. I didn’t give him nearly enough credit. I messed up.”

I twisted my hands in my lap. He didn’t want me beating myself up. Well, I didn’t want him beating himself up either. “You did what you thought was best.”

He grunted and shook his head like he didn’t want to hear it. Didn’t want to be comforted. “We had a talk at the baseball fields after I found him. I thought… I didn’t think he’d take it out on you.”

Hearing the shame saturating his words was like a hundred tiny lashes against my heart. My throat tightened, and tears pricked my eyes.

“I hate to say it, but I think he’s going to keep taking it out on me. He probably thinks I’m trying to replace his mom.”

“I know, but…” His shoulders drooped even farther.

That was the issue right there. Sebastian had some things to work through, and until he did—until they all did—he wouldn’t be able to accept me in his life, and I refused to be the source of more trouble. I wouldn’t let myself be put in the middle. Because Seb would continue to take his anger out on me, Jude would defend me, the cycle would repeat, and poor Amelia would be dragged down by having to live through that.

“Jude, I don’t?—”

“No.” He stopped me with two fingers to my lips. “Please don’t say what I think you’re about to say.”

“You know it’s the right thing to do,” I murmured behind the pads of his fingers. I held on to his wrist to kiss then held his hand between both of mine. “We can’t be together right now. Not until everything is worked out with you and the kids.” He shook his head, but I went on anyway. “I don’t want to be the evil stepmother, so please don’t make me that.”

“I won’t.”

“You will. You’ll put me in that position. He’s not ready.”

“But I am. And I’ve always put the kids first every time.” Jude gripped my shoulders hard as if trying to keep me from running. I wasn’t running. I was staying…at a distance.

“I know.” I smiled through the stinging in my nose and eyes. “That’s what I love about you. You’re willing to do the hard things.”

He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against mine. “I don’t want to do the hard things anymore. I’ve done them for so long. I don’t want to do them anymore. I want easy, and that’s what being with you is.”

“I know.” I lifted my head and met his gaze, both of us glassy-eyed. “But I never want to be the issue between you and the kids. They’re your first priority. And mine,” I said with a laugh about that realization. “I love them and love you enough to know you need some time and space to focus on them. We can’t throw this at them and expect everything to be fine.”

His lips formed a tight line as he nodded eventually, his voice barely a rumbled whisper when he said, “I know.” He lowered his chin to his chest. “What do we do now?”

“We give them some time.”

“I’ve already left a message for the family counselor we used to see.”

“That’s good.” I dragged my hand over his hair and beard. “So, you start there and keep me updated and…”

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