Page 51 of The Dating Pact

But I tried not to think about what it meant that I wanted more. That I had to force myself to leave because I’d doubted my own restraint, and I physically wouldn’t have been able to sit there with the taste of her pussy on my lips and in my beard without wanting to make her come again.

I loved Mira. I would continue to love her. But the anxiety I’d always felt about living my life without her didn’t exist when I was with Brooke, and I assumed that was what Youmna meant when she said I needed to find someone.

I needed someone who would understand my past and the journey I still charted. I didn’t know if I would ever stop grieving Mira and the life we didn’t get to live, but I no longer feared it.

I could map out a new path. At least, that was what my therapist told me. I didn’t have to stop loving Mira to love someone else. Like my children. I didn’t give up any piece of my heart for Sebastian when Amelia was born. Rather, my heart grew to accommodate both.

I could do that.

I could have love again.

If I wanted.

With my left arm behind my head, I scrolled through the pictures Youmna had texted me. She and George had taken the kids for their annual trip to visit family in Allentown, a week with relatives, time for my kids to play with cousins and practice their Arabic, hear stories of family in Syria, and teach them all the things Mira would have but that I couldn’t possibly.

As much as I needed time away from the children sometimes, I missed them when they weren’t here, especially when they were gone for so long. I worried about Amelia and if she was being patient and sharing. I fretted about Sebastian and if he was sleeping. Most nights, he ended up in my bed or in his sister’s, still afraid to sleep on his own after all these years, and he didn’t do well sleeping in places he wasn’t used to.

As if she knew, Brooke texted.

Brooke

How you doing? How are the kids?

I’m good. They’re having a great time.

Brooke

Great. Nobody is homesick?

If they were, Youmna wouldn’t tell me.

Brooke

What about you? You homesick for them?

A little.

Brooke

You need a distraction?

Is this a trick question?

Brooke

No, why?

I thought it was an invitation to something.

Brooke

Connect the dots for me here, buddy.

Like

sex

Brooke

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