Page 60 of Madness

I close my eyes, remembering. "It was about that thing I told you... about Miles and Chloe. He was angry and confused. But it wasn't just that. His words were slurred, and his mood was all over the place. It was like... like talking to Miles on a bad night."

"Oh, Lauren," Shannon's voice is soft and sympathetic. "That must have been so hard for you."

"It was," I admit, feeling tears prick in my eyes. "And now, with the silence... I can't help but think he's spiraling. And I don't know what to do."

"What do you want to do?" Shannon asks gently.

I let out a bitter laugh. "Run? Hide? Pretend none of this is happening?" I pause, taking a shaky breath. "I don't know. Part of me wants to be there for him, to help him through this. But another part..."

"Is terrified of going through it all again," Shannon finishes for me.

"Exactly," I whisper. "I swore after Miles that I'd never get involved with another addict. That I'd never put Roman through that. And now..."

"Hey," Shannon's voice is firm but kind. "Dakota isn't Miles. You can't compare them."

"Can't I?" I ask, standing up to pace the room. "The drinking, the mood swings, the unreliability. It's all so familiar. I really thought he was different. He was so good with Roman, so supportive of my school. But now... God, what was I thinking?"

"You were thinking that you found someone who made you happy," Shannon says softly. "There's nothing wrong with that."

I shake my head, even though she can't see me. "But at what cost? I can't put Roman through this. I can't go through it myself. Not again."

"So, what are you saying?" she asks. "Are you thinking of ending things with Dakota?"

The question stops me in my tracks. "I... I don't know," I admit, my voice barely audible. "Part of me wants to run as far and fast as I can. But another part..."

"Still loves him," Shannon finishes for me.

"Yeah," I whisper, feeling the tears start to fall. "God, why is this so hard?"

"Because love is complicated," she says. "And addiction is a bitch. But Lauren, you need to remember something."

"What's that?"

"You're stronger now than you were with Miles. You've been through this before. You know the signs, and you know your worth. Whatever you decide to do, you'll be okay. You and Roman both."

I sink back onto the couch, letting her words wash over me. "But what if I'm overreacting? What if this was just a slip?"

"Does it feel like a slip?" Shannon asks.

I think about the missed calls, and the erratic behavior over the past few weeks. "No," I admit. "It feels like the beginning of something bigger."

"Then trust your instincts," Shannon advises. "You've been here before. You know what to look for."

"But what do I do?" I ask, feeling lost. "Do I confront him? Just... end it before it gets worse?"

"I can't make that decision for you, honey," Shannon says gently. "But I think you need to ask yourself some hard questions. Can you handle being with someone in active addiction? Are you willing to go through that journey with Dakota if he decides to get help? And most importantly, what's best for you and Roman?"

I nod, even though she can't see me. "You're right. I know you're right. It's just... I thought we had a future, you know? I could see it so clearly."

"I know," Shannon's voice is soft with understanding. "But remember, Lauren. Your future isn't dependent on Dakota or any man. You're building an amazing life for yourself and Roman. Don't lose sight of that."

Her words hit me hard, a reminder of everything I've worked for. "Thanks, Shan. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Anytime, babe. That's what I'm here for. And Lauren? Whatever you decide, I've got you. Always."

After we hang up, I sit in the quiet of the living room, Shannon's words echoing in my mind. She's right - I am stronger now. But is strength enough to weather this storm?

My reflection in the glass looks tired, worried. But behind me, I can see more of my nursing textbooks spread across the coffee table, a reminder of the future I'm building. A future that, until yesterday, I thought included Dakota.

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