Page 7 of Madness

I won't.

"It's different," I say with a shrug of my shoulder, my smile polite but distant. "If you'll excuse me, I need to finish up here."

Before he can respond, my phone buzzes in my apron pocket. It's a text from Shannon.

SHANNON: Roman's fever is definitely up. Can you pick up medicine on your way home?

As I read Shannon's text, all I can think about is Roman's flushed face and how small he looks when he's sick. My heart aches to be with him, to soothe his fever and whisper that everything will be okay. It's been on my mind all morning, but I’ve been too busy to check on him.

I mentally calculate how much medicine will cost and whether I can squeeze it out of this week's grocery budget. Maybe I can skip lunch for a few days. It's not ideal, but Roman comes first.

Always.

But now I’m conflicted. I’m left with concern for Roman and relief at the excuse to end this interaction. "I'm sorry," I say to Dakota, already untying my apron. "I need to go. My son is sick."

Understanding flashes across his face. "Of course. I don’t wanna keep you."

I turn to leave, but his voice stops me. "Hey, Lauren?"

I look back at him, guard firmly in place, purposely hiding my surprise at his knowing my name. Never mind the name tag pinned to my uniform.

"I... I come here pretty often. Maybe I'll see you around again?"

There's something in his tone that strikes me. It’s not flirtatious, exactly, but hopeful. For a wild moment, I wonder if this is it. The sign I've been looking for. But then I remember thinking the same about Miles and where that led me. Where that led all of us.

"Maybe," I say, noncommittal. "I'll be back on my usual evening shift tomorrow, though."

He nods, that stupidly attractive slight smile back on his face. "Good to know."

As I hurry out of the diner, my mind is a whirlwind. Roman needs me. Shannon's waiting for an answer about Seattle. The bills are piling up. Nursing school applications are due soon. And now here's Dakota, stirring up memories and fears I've worked hard to bury.

Today is not the day for this.

I slide into my car, gripping the steering wheel tightly. Deep breaths, Lauren. You've been here before. You know how this story ends.

But as I pull out of the parking lot, a traitorous voice in the back of my mind whispers: What if it's different this time?

I shake my head, trying to get rid of the thought. Different? How many times did I tell myself that about Miles? How many times did I convince myself that this time, he'd stay clean? That this time, he'd choose us over the drugs and the hardcore lifestyle?

The stoplight turns red, and I pause, watching the dwindling lunch crowd hurry by on the sidewalk. Normal people with normal lives. No addiction, no drama, no ghosts haunting their every decision.

Is that what Seattle could be? A fresh start, away from the memories and the temptation of "what ifs" embodied by men like Dakota? Would we be better off there?

But then I think of Roman, of the life we've built here despite everything. Of the strength I've found in myself, the resilience I never knew I had. I’ve done that here. In LA.

The light turns green, and I make a decision. I'm not running away. Not yet. I've faced down demons before, and I can do it again. Shannon's move and my financial struggles are just new challenges to overcome.

As I drive, I can't help but glance at the college brochure peeking out of my bag. The nursing program looks perfect, and it offers a chance at a stable career. It’s something I’ve always dreamed of doing. But with our tight budget and my unpredictable schedule, and now Shannon moving out, it feels like a far-off fantasy. Shannon's been my rock, but I can't rely on her forever. Part of me is terrified of her leaving, of losing that support. But another part whispers that maybe it's time I stand on my own two feet and prove to myself that I can do this alone if I have to.

Pulling into the pharmacy parking lot, I feel a newfound determination settling over me. Catching my reflection in the rearview mirror, my eyes are tired, but I recognize a resolve there. It's the same look I had when I decided to keep Roman, when I rebuilt our lives from scratch after Miles died. I've weathered storms before. I can do it again.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know this: I'm freaking Lauren Hudson, survivor, mother, and much more than just some rockstar's cautionary tale.

6

SPIRITS HIGH

DAKOTA

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