Page 26 of Madness

I take a deep breath, feeling the weight of this moment. It's not just about me anymore. It's about Roman, about the life I want to give him. About proving to myself that I can do this, even with my support system crumbling around me.

"Yes," I say, my voice stronger than I feel. "I'm here to enroll in the nursing program. I was hoping to discuss my options and the application process."

As the woman nods and begins pulling out forms, I feel a mixture of terror and exhilaration. This is it. The first step towards our future, whatever it may hold.

"What specific nursing path are you interested in?" she asks, her pen poised over a notepad.

I take a deep breath, recalling all the research I've done late at night after Roman's gone to bed. "I'm interested in becoming a Registered Nurse," I say, surprised by the steadiness in my voice. "I was hoping you could tell me more about the accelerated ADN program."

The woman smiles encouragingly. "Of course. Our Associate Degree in Nursing program is designed for students like you who are just starting their nursing education. Depending on your scheduling, it typically takes about two to three years of study to complete." Her eyes shift to Roman on my hip, and I gather she means the longer term for me.

I nod, trying to absorb the information. "And after that, I'd be able to work as an RN?"

"That's right," she confirms. "Once you complete the program and pass the NCLEX-RN exam, you'll be licensed to work as a Registered Nurse."

My mind races through the obstacles ahead. "Can you tell me more about the class schedules? And does the college offer any assistance with childcare for students?"

Her eyes soften as she glances at Roman again. "We have evening and weekend classes to accommodate working students. As for childcare, we have a subsidized daycare program, but there's often a waiting list. I'd recommend applying as soon as possible."

My heart sinks, but I try not to let my disappointment show. With Shannon leaving for Seattle and no family to fall back on, childcare options are looking slim. I'll have to juggle work and classes, and maybe even look for a more flexible job. The thought makes my stomach ache.

"And regarding financial aid," I begin, hating how small my voice sounds, "are there any scholarships or grants for single parents?"

As she starts listing options, my mind spins with calculations. Tuition, books, uniforms, rent that will soon double without Shannon... The numbers are dizzying. But all in all, I think I’ll be able to do it. At least, I hope I will.

I feel Roman's head grow heavy on my shoulder. He's falling asleep, oblivious to the weight of this moment. I hold him tighter, reminding myself why I'm here. The road ahead looks daunting, but for him, I'll find a way. I have to. It's just us against the world, and failure isn't an option.

And then there's the question of time - how to juggle classes, studying, work, and being there for Roman.

I picture my typical day: waking up at dawn to get Roman ready, rushing to drop him off at daycare, working a full shift at the diner, picking up Roman, making dinner, bath time, bedtime... Where do classes fit in? When do I study? When do I sleep?

The thought of adding school to this delicate balancing act makes my chest tight. But then I look down at Roman, peacefully dozing on my shoulder, and I know I have to find a way. Maybe I can study during my breaks at work. Maybe I can find online classes for some subjects. It'll be hard, but it's not impossible. Other single parents have done it. I can, too.

"It's a lot to take in, I know," the woman says gently, probably noticing my overwhelmed expression. "But you seem determined. That's half the battle right there."

I manage a smile, feeling a flicker of hope. "I am determined. This isn't just about me anymore. It's about giving my son a better future, no matter what it takes." I don’t know why I’m telling her all this. Maybe it’s her kind face. Or maybe I’m just excited for the future for once.

As she hands me a stack of forms, I take a deep breath. This could work. It has to work. I've come too far to back down now. Despite the fear and uncertainty, I feel a surge of excitement. This is the beginning of something new, something challenging, but something that could change our lives forever.

I spread the financial aid forms across the kitchen table, my head swimming with information. Roman's soft snores drift from the living room, where he's napping on the couch. I should be focusing on these forms, but my mind keeps wandering to the mountain of changes looming ahead.

My phone buzzes, cutting through my racing thoughts. It's a text from Dakota:

DAKOTA: Hey beautiful. The Rooftop Cinema Club downtown is showing Across the Universe tonight. Want to join me for a movie under the stars?

My heart skips a beat. I glance at the paperwork scattered before me, then at Roman sleeping peacefully. I should be responsible. I should stay home, fill out these forms, and plan for our future.

But the thought of escaping for a few hours is tempting. To sit under the stars, to lose myself in music and a story about love and dreams... to be with Dakota.

I bite my lip, torn. I can't go unless I have someone to watch Roman. Shannon might be free, but I can't assume she's available. I quickly type out a message to her:

ME: Hey, any chance you're free tonight to watch Roman for a few hours?

I hold my breath as I wait for her response. A minute later, my phone buzzes:

SHANNON: Sure thing! I'm just hanging around the house tonight. What time?

Relief washes over me. I respond:

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