Page 60 of Mayhem

I don’t want any more.

I want to be the person being supported. Held together. Cared for. Thought about. Just once, I want to know what that feels like. Sure, I’d probably freak the fuck out about it because it would be so foreign, but I still want it. I yearn for it. My entire being craves it.

But like everything else coming to light today, I know deep down that I’ll never have that. It’s not in my cards to be able to let my guard down and let someone in. I was beginning to think that maybe Brad was someone I could do that with. Boy, was I wrong. I’ll just need to relearn how to live with that.

The phone vibrates in my hands, making me jump, and tearing me out of my inner downward spiral.

It’s Brad.

You can do this. You can do this.

“Hey, Brad.”

Professional. I’m a professional.

“Hey…Tess,” he stutters, probably caught off guard by my nonchalant tone.

Good. Be off balance. Asshole.

I jump in before he can start with his excuses. “I called a little while ago because Eliza wants me to solidify the story that Sierra gave to Blindsided. We can start using it for publicity on the upcoming tour and maybe even add dates in Texas where she’s from. You know, do the whole ‘hometown’ thing? Do you have any recent pictures of you two together I can use for posts? I’d like to start working on that first thing tomorrow if you?—"

“Sierra and I are not together,” he interrupts my long-winded diatribe.

I’m not sure I heard him correctly. “But the article?—”

“Is complete bullshit. She made it up.” I can sense his anger just from his tone of voice, but it’s still off.

“Okay…” This doesn’t make any sense, and now I’m getting angry again. Does he really think I’m that stupid? “But I heard you talking to her earlier outside of rehearsal. I heard what you said, Brad.”

“What, exactly, did you hear me say, Tess? What were my exact fucking words?”

Is he actually mad at me about this? Like I did something wrong here? Oh no. He’s got another thing coming if that’s the case.

“Are you trying to turn this around on me right now? Because that’s not how this works. I am talking to you as the PR person for Blackmore Records, assigned to your band to fix your image. Nothing more.”

“No…fuck. Of course I’m not blaming you.” He’s quiet for a long moment, and I can almost hear him pacing. “I’m trying to figure out what you heard that would make you think I’d go back with Sierra, that’s all. Because that was not how the conversation actually went.”

“Oh, really?” I can’t keep the shock out of my voice. “Because I heard, ‘I still care about you too, babe…’ clear as fucking day. And I’m not the only one. Actually, everyone outside at the time heard it. It was lovely. Fucking embarrassing as all get out, but absolutely beautiful. I’m happy for you. Truly, I am.”

“Tess, you didn’t hear the rest of it.”

“Oh, there was more? Gee, I’m so sorry I missed it.” My sarcasm is taking over, and I can’t help but let it loose. I’m hurting, and my first instinct is to hurt back. “I’m sure it was absolutely enlightening.”

“Tess…”

“No, please. Go on. I want to hear everything about the star-crossed lovers, who still care about each other so much after all this time. The pair who are, what did she call it? ‘Meant to be?’ That’s it. Tell me that story. You’re good at stories, too. Right, Brad? Isn’t that all you’ve been telling me? Stories? First Gina on our first date, and now this?”

“That’s not fair, and you know it.”

“Oh, I’m aware that nothing’s fair. Believe me, I’m well aware of that fact.”

He lets out a long breath. “I can’t do this…”

And the line goes dead.

He hung up on me.

Brad fucking Chambers just hung up on me.

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