Page 56 of Mayhem

“Of course it is.”

“Then you should call her.”

And on it goes for the half hour it takes to get food and get home. I’ve tried to beat down Charlie’s expectations as delicately and diplomatically as possible, but she’s persistent. Just as I thought my feelings for Tess were solidifying, I got the definite sense that something was off today. Throw in my ex Sierra’s fucking weird phone call out of nowhere this afternoon, which only confirmed how I feel about Tess, and now I feel a little lost. I don’t want Charlie to get hurt by whatever might be going on.

I’ve been thinking about Tess nonstop since we met, and the last few days have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster already. And now, everything feels like it’s out of whack.

“You should call Tess and see if she wants to go to dinner tomorrow,” Charlie pipes in again, breaking my train of thought.

I roll my eyes and sigh dramatically. This kid. “Fine. But I’ll text her. If she’s busy, I don’t want to bug her. Deal?”

She rolls her eyes and sighs right back at me. Man, we are too alike sometimes. “Fiiine.”

I grab my phone to type out a quick text message, noticing all of Tess’s drunk texts from Saturday night. They really are cute. If I weren’t too drunk myself on Saturday night to notice them, it could have been an oddly sweet moment – the two of us drunk texting each other from across the city.

Instead, I was too hungover to deal with them when I did notice them yesterday, and too wrapped up in all things Charlie shopping for school supplies and butterfly parts the rest of the day to respond. Maybe that was a misstep?

ME: Hey there. Dinner sometime this week if you’re not too busy?

After a few minutes, Charlie asks, “Well? What did she say?”

I know there hasn’t been a response, but I glance at my phone to check anyway. Nothing.

“I told you she’s probably busy,” I say, looking around the room for something, anything, to distract Charlie from this. Hell, to distract me from this. We’ve both got our hopes up, and there’s a sinking feeling in my gut that we’re both about to be severely disappointed. “How about we watch a movie? We haven’t ripped apart the new Lion King in a while…”

As we watch the movie, in our usual spots on the couch, popcorn bowl between us, I can’t help but drift my gaze to my phone every few minutes, willing it to light up with an alert from Tess. The longer time drags on without a response, the more I know that something’s wrong. But what could it be?

Is it because I didn’t respond to her texts over the weekend? I think Tess would understand that when I’m with Charlie, I’m not always tied to my phone. At least I would hope that’s the case. I’m pretty sure Tess and Charlie have formed a mutual admiration society for each other. At least, for Charlie’s sake, I hope that Tess feels the same for her. I’m biased and think everyone should love my little girl like I do, though. So, there’s that.

However, knowing how past girlfriends have used Charlie and her affections to get to me, makes me rethink everything. Are we too far in to avoid that heartache already?

Am I that far gone?

I glance at my silent phone one more time.

Still nothing.

35

SHAME ON ME

TESS

My phone dings with another text alert from Brad, and I just turn off notifications. Now I know how he felt over the weekend with my incessant stupid texts. This is different, though.

Very different.

I’ve been crying since I left the studio, and I can’t seem to stop the tears. I really did let myself fall for Brad and think that I was somehow special to him. I opened myself up for this pain, knowing his reputation, hell – even running into one of his exes on our first damned date.

Hello? Red flag.

I should have known better. I’m not rockstar-girlfriend material. My skin isn’t thick enough. I don’t have the emotional fortitude to deal with this kind of thing. I have enough trust issues thanks to my past relationships to know that much. I’m not strong enough to let things go so quickly. When I hurt, I hold it close.

Did he really think I wouldn’t find out he still has feelings for someone else? Does he really think that little of me? Hell, if he was just honest about it from the beginning I could possibly understand. Lingering emotions for exes are normal – it’s what you do with them that matters. Discussing those feelings with your ex and hiding it from your current love interest is not how you deal with that. Not in any universe I’m aware of, at least.

Honesty and clear communication are so crucial, especially in a new relationship. The disrespect I should be feeling, however, is dwarfed by the overwhelming hurt that is drowning me. It’s only been a few weeks, and I’ve fallen so hard for Brad so quickly, I should have known that it was too good to be true.

My phone lights up, and I can’t help but look to see if it’s another text or call from Brad, but it’s Ivy.

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