Page 32 of Mayhem

I made it personal. To me. And I know better than to let my personal feelings mix with my work. At least, I should. I’ve been at this long enough to know how this goes, what the reaction would be, what kind of nasty comments all posts get. I should have protected Charlie from that. I should have protected both of them.

I should have taken a beat before posting.

All regret is full of ‘could’ve, would’ve, should’ve,’ and mine is no different. It’s eating away at me as I watch Brad hang up his phone angrily and gather up Charlie to take her home early. She’s a little confused, at first, at the sudden change in schedule, but happily concedes after promises of ice cream.

“Is Tess coming with us?” she asks, innocently looking my way as they head toward the exit. The hopefulness in her eyes cuts into my soul. That disappointment I wanted to keep away from her is about to hit her head on, and I feel sick to my stomach knowing I’m the cause of it.

This isn’t how things are supposed to go.

“No,” Brad says sharply, his lips drawn in a flat line as he avoids my gaze while they walk. “She’s not.”

The finality of his words hurt. Deeply.

More than I expected them to.

And I can see the crash happen as it hits Charlie, but I can’t look away. It’s like watching a car accident in slow motion as her little brows furrow at her father’s tone and words. She’s trying desperately to adjust to the sudden shift in mood in the room and looking to me for answers.

I have none.

I have nothing.

I manage to force a weak smile on my face and wave to her as they rush out the door. The silence that falls over the room once they’re gone is heavy, and I look around to see everyone’s eyes on me. Questioning.

Rehearsal is apparently over.

How they know that Brad’s quick exit is my fault, I have no idea, but I have no words to offer anyone. I’m still processing everything that’s happened in the last five minutes, and it’s a jumbled mess.

In the matter of a heartbeat, I made a horrible professional judgment call, carved a gaping divide between myself and someone I was starting to really care about, and disappointed an innocent little girl. And, who the fuck knows what the repercussions are going to be for the band? This could go all kinds of sideways.

Posting and deleting things so quickly actually gets noticed more than something that gets left up. This is going to be so bad. I can’t even fathom how horribly this is going to resonate with the fan base.

I don’t get time to start sorting anything out in my brain as my phone starts vibrating in my hand. I glance down and see that it’s Eliza from Blackmore. She’s probably wondering what the hell just happened online too.

My heart skips, and then starts racing. This is where I get fired…

Glancing up, but not meeting anyone’s eyes, I move to head outside to take the call. “Excuse me,” I mutter, nearly tripping over a cord in my hurry to escape their curious stares.

When I push through the door to the parking lot, I catch Brad’s car pulling onto the street, the sunlight glinting off the rear window. My impulse is to chase after them. Flag him down to apologize, but I’m paralyzed with guilt on the spot.

I’m unable to see him or Charlie, but I can picture their faces; Brad, trying to stifle his anger, and Charlie trying to wrap her head around what’s going on. She’s a smart girl. She knows something is up.

How I wish I could explain it to her. Like I probably have to explain it to Eliza now.

I accept the call right before it goes to voicemail.

“Hey, Eliza. What’s up?” I ask, trying hard to switch into professional mode, and leave my emotions behind. It’s impossible, though, since everything is bubbling up to the surface. I swallow hard, preparing myself for the onslaught about to overtake me.

“You tell me,” she says matter-of-factly. I normally love that Eliza is all business, but right now it’s scaring me to death. “What just happened with the socials for Chaos Fuel? I just heard something was posted and then deleted?”

I don’t answer right away, trying to pull myself and an answer together at the same time. I need to navigate this carefully, no matter how reckless my heart is feeling now.

“Tess?” she prods.

Taking a deep breath, I swallow hard. “I’m here,” I start, knowing that the truth is the only play here. “I mistakenly posted a video of Brad and his daughter, thinking it was a good idea to show a softer side of him. Unfortunately, I didn’t think it through completely.” I pause, my heart wrenching. “I also didn’t get permission to use Charlie beforehand like I should have.”

It's Eliza’s turn to be quiet, and her silence is deafening. I can only imagine the ways she’s picturing firing me right here and now. This is a major fuck up. One that someone in my position should know better than commit. We both know it.

I start pacing and chewing on a nail, balancing nervously on the curb of the walkway to distract myself. The longer the silence stretches, the more nervous I get.

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