Page 62 of Mayhem

“I’m sorry,” I say, trying to convey the absolute truth of it. “I’m sorry this is happening. And I’m sorry that it’s affecting you. But Tess, you have to believe me – I am not back with Sierra. I don’t know why she said what she did, but you didn’t hear the entire conversation.”

Her face is completely blank. No emotion whatsoever. She looks so fucking tired and drained. I hate that this is doing this to her. She doesn’t respond but turns her flat gaze to me. I take that as encouragement to continue.

“You heard me tell her that I still cared about her, and I do. That’s true. I care on some level for everyone I’ve been involved with. But like I told her, I’m not in love with her. I don’t know if I ever was. And I was crystal clear with her that I was with someone else.”

I pause, waiting for some kind of reaction, but there is none. She’s still staring at me, studying me, looking for a crack. Looking for the lie.

“That’s the truth, Tess. I swear.”

“Why would she say it, then?” her voice wavers, and I can tell she’s holding back tears. I want to jump over and pull her to me. Console her. Make all her pain go away. But I see the doubt behind all her pain. She’s lost whatever faith she had in me.

“I don’t know,” I shrug. Why does anyone do shit like this? Sierra never seemed the type to chase fame like this, but then, people do desperate things. I just never expected her to use me to do it. “Please believe me. I’m with you. Nobody else.”

Her expression softens just the slightest bit, and my heart leaps at the thought that maybe things will be okay between us. Maybe she hasn’t given up on me entirely. I really don’t know what I’ll do if she has.

Tess’s phone starts dinging with notifications, and mine follows just a moment later. Our eyes meet, and the fear I see in hers devastates me. Neither of us wants to look at our phones. The sinking feeling in my gut that whatever this news is will be the final straw.

Eventually we both give in and look at our phones. There’s a message from Ian with a link to another Blindsided article. The headline makes my blood run ice cold.

‘Hands Off My Baby Daddy.’ – Gina Winston, former Chaos Fuel frontman Brad Chambers’ flame, claims they’re building a family, contradicting Sierra Stevens’ latest story of reconciliation.

I put my phone away and drop my face into my hands. What the fuck is going on? And what the fuck am I doing? Thinking that I could drag Tess into this nightmare. She doesn’t deserve this shit. And that’s exactly what this is – bullshit.

She should be with someone whose past won’t haunt them like this. In public. She didn’t ask for this. In some twisted way, I did. When I became a singer in a band, I wanted fame. The recognition. I wanted the world to talk about me and my music. Maybe even a part of me wanted the ‘Ladies Man’ title. Once upon a time that was true. But not anymore.

Too bad, fuckhead. You asked for it. You got it. And now you need to live with it.

I do. But Tess shouldn’t have to. I don’t want to keep hurting her like this. Who knows who the fuck else is going to come crawling out of my past to drag me down, and Tess right along with me?

Wiping my hands down my face, I glance over to Tess. She’s still reading, and she’s gone pale. Her hands are shaking slightly, but her eyes are dry.

Dry and full of pain. And distrust.

Gina just poured kerosene on the inferno of lies surrounding me. Other people’s lies – but ones that look like they’re convincing Tess. She’ll never believe me now. Nobody has before, so why would she?

It’s more than evident – I’ve lost her.

I can feel my heart break, knowing that we could have had something special. Something I’ve longed for my entire life. But my fucked-up past is always going to come between us. It’s always going to be a shadow over us, causing doubts and insecurities to seep into the corners of her mind about me. I don’t want that for her. That’s no way for her to live.

She deserves so much better.

“I’m so sorry, Tess,” I say, making sure she meets my eyes and sees that truth. It’s the only thing I can give her now. “I’m sorry you got caught in the middle of my bullshit.”

I can’t stand it, seeing her like this. I need to leave and let her be. She’s got a PR shitstorm to deal with now, and it’s all my fault – even though I didn’t do a God damned thing, other than be nice to an ex. That’ll teach me a lesson.

Note to self – just be a dick.

Well, fuck. I’m good at that.

Getting up from the couch, I head to the door before I change my mind and fall to my knees begging for her to take me back despite my past rearing its ugly head. Making sure not to meet her eyes and see the pain I know is there, I mumble, “Let me know if you need me to make a statement or something.”

And I leave.

39

SAID & DONE

TESS

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