Page 30 of Mayhem

There’s something behind this question that hits home with me. I can sense the history this little girl must have with Brad’s exes making itself known somehow. My heart clenches at the thought of her getting attached, or hopeful, only to have her heart broken. She just wants consistency. Safety. Or maybe she just wants to see her dad happy. Either way, it endears me to her.

I know that feeling. That wishful thinking, and the hardness that comes with all the disappointment at such a young age. I can empathize with her, and know where this is all coming from, because I’ve lived it too.

“Yes,” I sigh, resigned to sharing the truth. “I like him a lot.”

Her gray eyes sparkle brightly, and I see a little bit of triumph there. Her matchmaking is bearing fruit. For now, anyway. I really don’t want to be another disappointment for her, but that added pressure isn’t one I’ve prepared for.

Three’s a crowd?

No. Not with Charlie. She and Brad count as one. They are a package deal, and I’m perfectly okay with that. I really like Charlie. Her personality isn’t typical for her age, and I love that about her. She’s special. And I’ll do everything I can to make sure that never changes.

Later in the day, we’re all taking a break from the rehearsals, scattered around the room doing our own thing for a few minutes. I catch Brad on the couch with Charlie on his lap while he reads a book to her. It’s such a tender moment, I instinctively grab my phone for a photo, but end up recording a video of the two of them instead.

The sweetness between them does something to my heart, and a lightbulb goes off in my head. This is the spotlight he needs. This is what will fix whatever seems broken with the fans. They need to see this side of Brad. The soft side. The tender side. The side that isn’t partying, or womanizing, or whatever negative things they think about him.

This is the Real Brad.

Before I can second guess myself, I post the video to all of Chaos Fuel’s social media accounts. Within seconds, the positive responses start pouring in.

Bullseye.

Nailed it.

Some days I love my job. Especially when something random and out of the blue works and strikes the right chord. Like this. Social media wins are hard to come by…

And I just hit a freaking home run.

19

SAY IT

BRAD

Reading a chapter to my girl from her favorite book, The Worst Witch, during a break in rehearsals is a nice switch for my brain. I’ve been in a heightened mode of creativity for hours straight, so to relax for a minute and decompress with someone else’s words for a change feels good. I love that Charlie still likes this book too after reading it so many times.

Things like this book are an odd comfort. Predictability gives a sense of safety when everything else around is overwhelming. Knowing how something is going to go in a story can calm a racing heart or whirring mind. It’s that security that we’re all searching for in some way, and why we rewatch certain shows or movies, or listen to the same song over and over.

Repetitiveness is reinforcing the emotion we’ve pulled from it. We need something from it. Crave it. Hunger for it. And I see why we do it. There is nothing wrong with wanting to find comfort. I can only hope that people find comfort in our music in the same way. It’s kind of why we do it.

To relate.

To connect.

I catch Tess’s eye when I glance up for a second, and find her watching us, a faraway look in her gaze. It’s as if she’s somewhere else, or at least seeing or thinking about somewhere or something else. It gives her a dreamy look that is fascinating to me. My heart pounds briefly, hoping that it’s me she’s thinking about with that look on her face. I want her daydreaming about me, like I’ve been fighting against all morning with her only feet away from us while we practice.

I can’t explain the magnetic pull of her. Sure, she’s hot as fuck, and super smart and funny, but it’s something else. Something more. I’m dying to find out what that something more could be.

According to Ian, the girls can have another sleepover this Friday, so fingers crossed that date number two with Tess goes smoothly this time. I’m not going to put pressure or expectations on anything, but I’d be a fucking liar if I didn’t say I want to take things to the next level with her. Whether or not we get there is yet to be seen, but I’m willing to go wherever she leads us.

I finish reading the chapter and Charlie hops off my lap and runs to join Hayley and June in the craft corner. She’s been antsy to join them for a few minutes now, so I’m happy to put her out of her misery. Besides, my eyes are getting tired.

Tess comes to sit next to me, and it takes about all I have in me not to wrap an arm around her, or reach out and touch her hair, or her cheek. Run a thumb along her bottom lip as she breathes in. Fuck, kiss her right here and now in front of everyone.

Somehow, I restrain myself.

She gives me a sideways glance as if she knows exactly what ran through my mind, and we share a smile between us. A secret smile. One that conveys the emotions running through both of us. I hate secrets, but this one I don’t mind keeping. For now, at least.

“So, what have you been up to, slaving over your phone the last half hour or so?” I ask, curious what that faraway look was in her eyes not long ago. “Or were you just listening to me read out loud?”

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