Page 51 of Forgotten Romance

But I’m dreading telling Mack. I’m dreading leaving the kids. Maybe it was selfish of me to want so much time with them; they’ll all just be getting used to having me here, and then suddenly, I’ll be gone again.

But what other choice do I have?

Saying no will be seriously damaging to my career. If Eric is putting this on me, the account is clearly important, and fucking with something like that? Eric wouldn’t even be able to save me if the higher-ups end up losing money.

My hands are tied, but I don’t think Mack is going to get that. He never has. When it comes to my job, he doesn’t want to hear how it works or have me defend the company. It’s black and white in his eyes. It probably should be in mine as well.

I pick up my phone, picturing what would happen if I called Eric back and said no. If I emailed him my resignation right now. The hope that blooms in my gut is thwarted by all the what-ifs that plague me daily.

The same stupid thoughts I’ve been over more times than I can count.

Then I’m hit by a solid, undeniable thought that I’ve never let myself have before.

I can’t do this anymore.

I can’t.

Finally acknowledging that is like a dam of pressure flooding out of my system.

I thought I could have it all. I’ve clung, desperately, to this life I’ve built up for the four of us, but it doesn’t matter how hard I push or how much I make, that life is getting away from me. These last few weeks have been too much. They’ve forced me to see what life should be like, and maybe finding something else will be more pressure. Maybe it will mean Mack has to get another job, or we’ll need to sell the house or cut back on some things …

The thought of that financial pressure threatens to smother me, but before I let it take over, I shove it back again.

My thoughts stew, a lumpy mess of mortgage, college, medical that I can never seem to shut off.

Leaving my job means leaving those things in limbo.

I take a deep breath and stand.

Okay.

So.

I can’t just quit. Spontaneity never suited me anyway.

But I can look for an out. Even if that means having to leave again right after Christmas, I’ll be able to go knowing that this time it might be different.

I’ll hang on to every moment with the three of them. Every giggle and every tear and every time Mack blushes. I’ll use those memories to help me through the doubt. To push me through the moments when I remember how much I love my job and the people I work with.

They might be great, but my family is greater.

I need to remember that.

Starting right now.

I have three weeks to put feelers out for anything. I don’t have to limit myself to Kilborough—Springfield might be an option. Hell, maybe even so far as New Haven. The commute would be a pain in the ass, but anything has to be better than what it is now.

Anything.

I take a deep breath and go join my family, no clue yet how I’m going to make this work.

But knowing that I have to.

16

Mack

Having the majority of our parties at Killer Brew really does make it feel like home. We’ve got the mezzanine above the bar, full drink service, with a towering Christmas tree standing in front of the mullioned windows.

---