Page 41 of Forgotten Romance

“Out with it.”

Tonya can’t look at me when she says, “That’s not fair.”

“What isn’t?”

“Asking him again. You made him choose once, and he did. What, you’re going to back him into a corner and do it again? You’re either going to make him feel terrible for having to choose his work again, or he chooses you, moves here, and then regrets it.”

“He wouldn’t regret it.”

She lifts hard eyes, and each word is slow. “Mack. If that’s the case, why didn’t he do it the first time?”

“Because … because he …”

“Please don’t do it. Nothing would make me happier than to see you and Davey together. You guys were couple goals, but if you force him into that place again, I don’t see it going well. If he chooses you, it needs to be because he makes that decision.”

I huff, that old resentment rising to the surface. “How could he do it? How could he put his job first? It’s a job. We’re his family. How, Tonya? I’ll never get it.”

“And that’s your biggest problem.”

“What is?”

“You don’t get it.” She gives me a sad smile. “It’s not just a job to him. He’s worked his ass off to get to where he is. He’s put everything aside to get this promotion and make more time at home. If it wasn’t for his job, where would you live? I know for a fact your salary doesn’t cover that big, pretty house. What would you do with the kids if you had to work full-time hours? Would you even get those here, or would you need to find another job?” She looks resigned. “I hate that he didn’t choose you. Truly. But I also don’t think you’re being fair to him. If he did what you wanted and left, moved home, your life would look a lot different. Would you guys have been in a place to get through that?” Tonya shrugs. “There’s no way to know. But if you didn’t, and things ended badly, and he’d walked away from the career he’d spent his whole life building, what would he have left? The kids are amazing, being a parent is a blessing—if you want that—but they can’t be your whole life.”

I scrub at my cheeks with both hands. “It sort of sounds like you’re taking his side in all this.”

She snorts and gives me a shove. “I’m always on your side, but every now and then, Mack, you need someone to pull that head of yours out of your ass. You’re an idealist. You live in this golden world where everything is easy. Sorry to be the one to give you a dose of reality, but you needed it before you put your heart on the line again.”

“Then what do you think I should do?”

“Keep being there for him. Keep hoping. Keep trying to remind him how much he loves you. But don’t push. And just in case Davey does leave again, look at your options. Including one overenthusiastic cutie who has hearts in his eyes for you.”

I thank her, and she leaves, dumping a whole load of thought on my mind. It’s not weight I’d been prepared to carry around today, but as much as I hate having to shoulder it all, she brought up some very good points. Ones I hadn’t thought of. I try to picture Davey here, in Kilborough, full-time. Every other time I’ve done this, all I see is coming home to happy faces, and the four of us at the dinner table and going to the park, and sitting up with him after the kids have fallen asleep.

That’s what it’s always been like. Those two weeks where he’s home are perfection, so I’ve always assumed that would be normal for us.

If he’s home more, would we fight more? Before I started getting resentful about him being gone, we never had any issues.

If he’s here, would he find a job on the same income? Unlikely. It’s a small town. It makes sense that I’d have to pick up more work to fill those gaps, and the library doesn’t have room for that. I love this job, and the thought of leaving gives me that little bit of uncomfortable awareness of what Davey went through. Probably still goes through.

Kiera and Van would be in school more. Or with Davey’s parents. That means a lot less time with their dads. I know that’s how a lot of families have to manage things, but it’s always been a point of pride that I’m there for every big and small moment the two of them have. If it wasn’t for Davey missing Van’s first steps, would it have been me? Both of us?

I’ve always held a slight chip of irritation that he wasn’t there.

How would I have felt if I wasn’t?

Devastated. That’s how.

Fuck, is that how Davey feels about missing it?

I’m irritable as I reach the front desk, not liking this blinding look in the mirror.

It takes me a couple of seconds to notice the copy of The Hobbit sitting there.

There’s no way …

I pick it up, and sure enough, there’s a note poking out of the top.

Luke was here earlier, so it makes sense that he left another one, but I didn’t notice it after he’d gone. So he snuck back and hid it, just so I’d find it on my own.

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