“He’s not a boy.”
“Luke … something.”
“Dawson.”
Dad tilts his head, thinking for a second. “New guy round here? Red hair?”
Trust Dad to know. “That’s him.”
“What about him?”
Mom answers before I can. “Davey’s interested in him.”
“Goddamnit, woman. Not me. Mack.”
Silence falls between the three of us, and I think it’s because I got snappy, but I’m wrong.
“Mack’s dating?” Mom shrieks.
“No. Well, maybe. This Luke guy’s interested.”
The pang in my chest only has a second to make itself known before Mom groans loudly.
“It’s over.”
“Mary …”
“No. All this time, I’ve been hoping you’ll grow up. Stop taking trips all over the country and work out how good you have it here. How good you are with Mack, and now he’s … he’s …”
“Why do you think he’s interested?” Dad asks, talking over the top of Mom.
I want to tell Mom to shut it, but she isn’t saying anything I’m not already beating myself up over. “He showed up the other morning and offered Mack a lift to work. I could tell. Luckily we’ve left early the last two days, so I haven’t had to see him again, but I get the feeling it’s only a matter of time.”
“Then you need to move fast,” Mom says. “You’re home for three whole months. Win your husband back.”
“I’m not going to try and manipulate him into being with me again. Especially when nothing’s changed.”
I can read every reply going on behind her eyes. Then change it. Quit your job. Put your family first. But my job is putting my family first. Our mortgage is finally at a manageable level, and the college funds we’ve set up for Kiera and Van are off to a healthy start. Quitting means moving back here and saying goodbye to all that because when we can’t afford our mortgage and insurance and everything that comes with having kids, the first thing we’ll have to do is dip into those savings. How can I focus on having a good life for me if it means my kids could struggle one day because of it? That might not be the reality, but it is a huge risk if I can’t find something else. And I’ve tried. Since before Mack suggested the divorce, I’ve tried. The few roles I’ve applied for were highly competitive, and not many outside of New York pay what mine does.
I can’t gamble with my kids’ futures.
I’m their dad. It’s my job to support them. To set them up in life. And I’m doing it.
It’s hard to get the next words out, and my voice is weak when I manage it. “I want to know if Luke will be good to him.”
Dad scratches his thinning hair. “Ah, yeah. I’d say so. He’s fit in quickly around here. His friend though …” Dad shrugs.
“Thanks. That’s all I need.”
I finish off my tea, still ignoring the loud thoughts Mom is sending my way, and then I round up Kiera and Van. Van needs a change of clothes, but otherwise, they just need to wash their hands and hose their boots off before we’re good to go again.
On the drive to the library, I keep glancing back at them. Van is staring out the window with his mouth hanging open, and Kiera is bouncing in her car seat and kicking the passenger chair in front of her. At three and five, they’re at the easiest stage they’ve been so far, but that doesn’t mean they’re not hard work.
“Please don’t do that.”
She pauses and looks over at me. “What do you want Santa to bring you?”
Mack. Fuck, I’m an idiot. “Santa doesn’t bring gifts for adults. Just kids.”