Page 101 of The Revenge Agenda

Rush cocks his head. “Just say what you mean. It’s very easy.”

“Okay …” What do I mean? “You haven’t been acting the way you usually do today, and that’s okay, but it leaves me unsure about what my role is here.”

“Your role?”

I nod. “Do I support you? Leave you alone? Push you to talk about it?”

Rush blinks a few times before focusing on my face. “You need guidelines.”

“Usually when I’m in a relationship, these sorts of things feel intuitive. However, after what happened with Ian, I don’t think I can trust those feelings anymore. I want to be your partner, and I want to make sure we’re starting off right. If you can tell me what you need, I’ll tell you what I need.”

Instead of clearing up his expression, Rush’s face pulls tight. I watch him pick at the edges of his sandwich, debating with himself over something. His lips twitch, but he still doesn’t speak.

I reach across the table to wrap my hand around his. “We don’t have to talk about it right now, but can you think about it? Maybe write a list so you don’t forget?”

“Umm, yes. I think so.”

“Good.” But his words don’t reassure me. Neither does the way he can’t meet my eyes. Unease tries to creep over me as I consider the possibility I’ve been trying to ignore. That this caginess doesn’t have anything to do with Rush and his thoughts … it’s to do with me. Suddenly, the way we’re holding hands feels stiff, so I pull away. “Is everything okay with us?” I force myself to ask.

“Yeah, totally, all fine. Everything is really, really so great.”

The vague tone riding his words makes me question if he even heard me at all. Things have been going so well for us, and as far as I know, nothing has happened to change that.

But I guess it might be time to face the glaringly obvious.

I’m not a catch.

Rush has enough on his plate without worrying about me and my imploding life as well.

Things between us have been fun and fast, but it’s a lot to expect him to stand by when we’re so new. Is he over babying the man who can’t find somewhere to live? Mad that he put himself in that terrible situation with Ian for me? Frustrated that between work and home, he can’t escape me?

It would explain the feeling that he’s pulling away. The lack of interest in our note passing.

A chill runs through me, and I wrap my sandwich back up, not able to stomach it. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but is this Seattle giving me another sign?

Because if I don’t have Rush, what do I have?

I can’t face the answer to that question.

Chapter 30

Rush

Lunch with Hunter is amazing, and the food tastes great, and I love his company, but I’m so in my thoughts that I don’t get a second to really appreciate it. I wish this niggling would go away. Wish I could ignore the annoyance and focus on Hunter and how he makes me feel.

Which is perfect.

I’m not perfect—I don’t think anyone is. I like me though, and I’ve never had an issue with who I am, but when I’m with Hunter, that feeling intensifies. I see me the way he sees me, and the way he sees me is pretty fucking great.

He’s not turning everything into a way to get me into bed.

He’s not trying to compete with my overactive brain for my attention.

Which is why I’m so, so boilingly indignant over the shit he’s dealing with. My friends told me to tell him the truth, but scaring Hunter away isn’t something I can do easily. He cares about me. I never knew how much I was missing that in a partner until I realized what it was really like.

Ian told me all the time that he cared.

Hunter shows me.

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