Page 46 of The Revenge Agenda

“Okay, no I wouldn’t. But you will, so I figured I might as well give you the go-ahead.”

My face is burning. “I’m not going to fuck my employee.”

“Well, fuck somebody. I always think more clearly after sex, and with the hot mess you currently are, I figure it can only help.”

“Still weird to be talking to my baby sister about this.”

“I pretend to be a virgin for Dad’s sake. Please don’t make me have to do it with you too.”

“Yeah, sure, you have sex, I get it. So I find a place and go hook up. That’s your advice?”

“Yep, though I’m struggling to see why you need that advice at all when it’s so obvious.”

Damn, she makes me want to shake her sometimes. “You’re ignoring the part where finding a place isn’t in my control. I can do all those things and still come up empty.”

“Or you could do them and succeed. Have you asked around the office? People knowing people. That’s how everyone gets ahead.”

“Except then they’ll know I’m living in a hotel.”

“And there’s your problem. You’ve always been too proud. You can either be proud or get a roof over your head; wanting both is just greedy.”

“Right.”

“Hey … you know I love you. Whatever you choose.”

“Yeah, love you too.”

“All you have to remember is don’t fail.”

We hang up, and I don’t feel any better than I did before the call.

Don’t fail …

It’s motivating to think of it as simple as Audrey sees it, but I’m a realist. If life really was that simple, I’d be winning at it already.

Maybe I should have called my parents. Audrey gave me the dose of calm I needed, but I really could have used some comfort too, and Mom would have doled it out in spades … right before demanding I come back home where she can look after me.

I could reach out to one of my friends, but they’re the kind to blow off my concerns and make a joke to try and get me feeling better.

You can talk to me.

I huff, pissed off with myself, because I know who I really want to reach out to. I know the person I wanted to call when I was calling Audrey.

The thing is, I’m pretty sure Rush wouldn’t be able to help me at all. He’d go off on tangents and bring up random facts and talk about people I’ve never met … but it would be distracting, if nothing else. And it sounds dumb as fuck, but I like hearing his voice. Like talking to him.

I should be protecting myself better than this, but I’m an idiot, apparently.

My interest in Rush isn’t going to help house me though, and at the end of the day, I can’t put my job—the one stable thing in my life—on the line because of one kiss.

Rush will have to take a back seat in my mind. My fucking libido can take the week off.

Just like my pride, apparently, because I’m going to have to swallow it all and talk to people about my living situation, then hope like hell they can help out.

If they can’t … I don’t know what I’ll do.

Don’t fail.

Way easier said than done.

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