Page 35 of Employing Patience

“Yeah, but I don’t … I’m not much of a drinker.”

“Lightweight?” He’s larger than me, so should technically be able to put more away, but I’ve also been drinking since before I should have been drinking. “You’ll have to go easy tonight.”

“Yeah, one drink will be my limit, I think.”

“Good plan. You ready to do this?”

“Not really. I’ve never been to a gay bar without Molly.”

Oh, wow. “Well, I’ve never been to a gay bar, so you’re one up on me.”

“Really?”

“Would you believe me if I told you I was straight?”

He blinks at me. “Umm … aren’t you here for a guy?”

“I am.”

“That doesn’t sound so straight to me.”

I know he’s right. “Here’s the thing. I know bi fits me, but my attraction to men very, very rarely happens. Sometimes I find myself drawn to one, maybe attracted, and when I am, I get over it quickly, but that’s not happening with Art. So, I figure I need to sleep with him to move on. Other than these slight, uh, sexuality hiccups, I’ve always been with and wanted to be with women. It feels assumptive to call myself bi when I have exactly zero experience with the label.”

We approach the bouncer, and I pay Will’s cover before we go in. I figure it’s the least I can do for dragging him here.

But once we’re inside, Will doesn’t follow me. He’s watching me closely, backward-hat-covered head tilted to one side. “You do know there isn’t a quota, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“You could go your whole life only ever being with women, but if you’re attracted to men … good chance you’re bi. Or pan. Or … whatever. Look, it’s not my business to label you, but I just want you to know it’s okay. There isn’t a bi-test to complete before you get your validation card.”

I can’t argue with any of that. Logically, I know he’s right. But when I haven’t faced the biphobia, when I haven’t embraced that side of me, when I haven’t even considered the idea of settling down with a man, I feel like a fraud.

I know how ridiculous it sounds when I say I’m straight—especially since I barely believe it. But I don’t know how to claim this bi side of me without having to explain that no, I haven’t been with a man. No, I’m not sure if I ever will. No, my crushes don’t last long.

So instead, all I say is “Sexuality is a headfuck, huh?”

“You have no idea.” He claps my shoulder and passes me, walking down the hall into the club. The whole time I follow him, I mouth one thing, over and over.

Bi. I’m bi. Bisexual.

Even silent, the words feel fake.

10

ART

I love this club. Hanging out with my boys is always a worthwhile time, but when I come here, I know I’m getting laid. There’s a mix of people, body types, personalities, and sexualities. Whatever I’m in the mood for, I can usually find, and I’m blessed that it’s rare I walk away from a night like this alone.

And tonight, I’m looking for a guy just like—

“Motherfucker.”

At first, I think my eyes must be playing tricks on me, but no matter how many times I blink, he’s still there. Hair loose and sexily messed up, straight-boy shorts that make him look like a dad, but a tank that’s hanging loose enough I can make out a nipple, even from this far away. Lucky it’s hot in here and he won’t freeze those nipples right off.

I have to bite my fist to hold back a moan.

“What is it?” Keller asks. His long black hair is out tonight too, and he’s already had to fend off two twinks and a leather daddy since we got here.

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