Page 17 of Employing Patience

“It doesn’t. So no kids for me.”

“But I want cousins,” Alice whines.

“And I want—” I cut that thought off before I say something not appropriate for little ears. “To spoil you.”

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Gus asks with his usual bulldozer tone.

“Nope.”

“But why?” Alice pushes. And yep, I can see why these moods drive Mariana up the wall.

“Because I have a lot of boyfriends.” Aaand I probably shouldn’t have said that.

“Do you kiss them?” Gus teases.

“All the time. But I’m a grown-up, and I can do what I want.”

“I don’t see what’s so great about being a grown-up,” Alice says. “I don’t want to kiss anyone or have bills or responsibilities. I only want to cook and have babies.”

I snort. “You’re kidding yourself if you think babies aren’t a responsibility.”

“I want to-want to be a dog!” Gus shouts. Then he jumps off his stool and starts wandering around the house on all fours.

Alice watches him go before turning to me. “Mommy thinks you’re lonely.”

I go to deny it like I do with everyone. It’s automatic at this point and mostly true. I’m not lonely. I just … there’s this pit deepening in my chest every time I see one of my divorced guys finding love again. I’ve never been in love. My marriage was a whim. An exciting spur-of-the-moment decision that ended not long after. It wasn’t love. It was fun. Like most of my life has been.

Instead of telling her to mind her own business, I set my arms on the flour-covered counter and lean toward her. “You know what, minha linda? Sometimes I am.”

“So why don’t you marry one of your boyfriends?”

The married part isn’t something I think I’ll ever do again, but the boyfriend part? I’ve never wanted it before. Never thought I’d be the settling-down type. But there are times, especially lately, when I look up from my desk at ten at night and stare at my empty office and wonder what the point of it all is. My empty office, my empty house, my empty bed.

“When you’re an adult, things that appear easy aren’t always like that. People play games. And not games like Monopoly where there are rules, but games where you think you know the rules, and then those rules are changed on you. Sometimes, it’s easier to forget you’re lonely and focus on the good stuff you have.”

“Like …”

“Like you two. Our family. My friends. Killer Brew. The ability to help people.” When I list it out like that, I can’t deny I have a full life. A happy one.

I’ve never been the guy who wants more.

I wish I could hold on to that.

THE SORRY SUCKAS GROUP CHAT

Orson: What costume was it this time?

Art: Olaf onesie. It was bulky, but not one of the worst.

Griff: Still waiting on that photo of you as My Little Pony.

Art: You should hold your breath while you wait.

Payne: That sounds healthy.

Orson: I’m still waiting to be invited to one of these dress-up cooking parties. They sound fun.

Griff: Art doesn’t share his niblings.

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