Page 55 of Toy Shop

“I have. I started a chain of circumstances, ending up with the three of them dead. I killed them.” He sucks in air, his hard chest quivering.

“Twenty years ago, I was fresh out of college. Getting into the solar panel industry wasn’t simply to have a job, it was my obsession. I did my research and knew my product would have to outshine the competition. It had to be special, something else. I locked myself in my parents’ basement in Mississippi twenty-four-seven, laboring over an innovation that’d change the solar panel world.”

The emotion returning to his eyes solidifies my belief. He’s never so much as laid a hand on a fly, but he still carries guilt.

“One day, my mom asked me to join Connie and her friends at a new lake they hadn’t been to yet. Connie told her they’ll just hang out, swim, but Mom knew better. Connie was a spitfire. She loved diving into the sea from cliffs, was good at it, too. After many jumps, I trusted her to go alone, prioritizing my work.”

He sounds disgusted with himself. I refuse to have it, placing my hands on his shoulders and tugging him to me.

“No. I don’t deserve your compassion.” He collapses to the bed, lying against the headboard. Undeterred, I follow him, holding on to him. “She was twenty-one, young, with her whole life ahead of her. If I’d only been there, had I only played the role of the responsible adult and scoured the water to check it wasn’t too shallow, she wouldn’t have died. She’d be here today, her and my parents.”

Fury verging on madness boils in him, pouring outside in waves. “A month later, our mother’s heart couldn’t stand the pain and failed her, dad a week behind. My neglect wasn’t punishable by law, but God ensured I pay.”

“Alistair. You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s no one’s fault. You couldn’t have known.” I weep now, tears gushing.

He can’t stand to see me like this, folding me into his arms. “I was her older brother, the one responsible for her. I should have been there. That’s why I fled Mississippi and my remaining sister, Jolene, behind. Why I poured myself into my work.”

A warm palm cups my jaw, angling my head upward. “It’s why I get off on violence. The power I exert, proving to nature I could be just as ruthless and still keep the women alive and well and goddamn happy. These are my small wins. How I cope.”

More tears slip down my cheeks, and I let them. The concerns in my heart are too big to swallow, too consuming to let the air out.

“What is it, baby?” He bends to kiss me, stopping himself. “Don’t be afraid to tell me it’s too much, that I’m wrong for you. I already know I am.”

“What will become of us when you get bored with me? Is that what happened to the other girls?”

“Nola, you’re nothing like them.” The hand on my cheek tightens, calling me to listen. “The women I met for these purposes were great people, but what we had was an arrangement. I admitted from day one I was done with it, and I was. You’re not another arrangement, another means to an end. Your innocence, your inner beauty, your belief in me, I love every bit of it. I love you. I’ll never tire of you.”

I sniff, lips twisting. “How can you be so sure?”

“Nola.” His lips press firmly to my forehead. “Just the thought of you walking out the door—I will never recover from it. It’ll wreck me.” He moves back, searching my gaze. “You can, though, and I won’t hold you to it, but it’d crush me. That’s how I know.”

Amid this turbulent situation, I regain absolute clarity. “I’d be crushed to be without you, too. I want to figure out life together. Do you think we could do that?”

His smile is immediate. It’s not his sly smirk or wicked grin. It’s a radiant smile, reaching his eyes. Contagious. “Nola, we could do anything you want. Together.”

Before his lips land on mine, I glance at the photos on the nightstand one more time. I promise Connie that with me, her brother will get his peace.

EPILOGUE

Alistair

Two years later

“You got this, baby.” I look fiercely into Nola’s eyes. She’s dripping with sweat from the exertion, her eyes the epitome of pain.

Christ, I love this woman.

“You’ve taken so much, such a good girl. Just a little more.”

“Alistair!” she hollers my name.

What a beautiful ring there is to this sort of ache, more than the others preceding it.

As equally perfect as the one that follows. Our baby is thrust into the water pool we had ready at home, right into my hands. His little face crumples before belting out his wonderful scream into the world.

Clapping booms around me—Nola’s parents, Jolene, the two midwives, and the doctor. Our two families have become a joint big one over the last two years, Nola and Jolene forming a connection deeper than that of sisters-in-law. They’re virtually best friends, and Nola insisted she be here when our son came into the world.

But I can’t seem to care about anyone except my wife and our newborn.

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