Page 55 of Cast in Atonement

“That’s not what I mean,” she finally continued. “It’s a war that has to be fought—but it’s almost like she thinks there’s nothing else she’s any good for now. She can’t rule. She can’t govern. The Empire is the Emperor’s hoard, and he’s a Dragon. She spends some time with the Norranir—but they’re the people I think she feels she failed.

“She was never raised to be an Aerie’s mother. She didn’t think of parenthood at all. But she was a queen, and she understands why, if there are no other Dragons, she has to become that mother.

“But I don’t think she’ll be able to do that until...” Ugh. “Talk to the chancellor.”

Emmerian nodded.

“Look, I trust you with Bellusdeo. Even the cohort does. Some of them might pity you, but they trust your intent. So does Helen. I’m certain the chancellor does as well.

“But it’s what I said: this isn’t about anyone else’s trust. It’s about hers. And she’s just too raw right now.”

Emmerian was not much happier than he had been when he’d arrived.

“She never intended to be a mother,” Kaylin told him, voice soft. “But she intended to live with her sisters forever. Right now, it’s the sisters that matter to her. Mrs. Erickson matters because of her sisters. We’re trying to work through it all now, but Mrs. Erickson doesn’t know what she can do, either.

“If you can, wait. Wait, listen if she talks—and she probably won’t. She can only barely contain her rage at the Outcaste, her rage at Shadow. There’s not a lot of space left. Maybe if she could have become our Emperor, it would be different; she’s responsible enough that ruling would absorb all her time, all her attention. But she can’t have that, either.”

Emmerian nodded, but said, voice as soft as Kaylin’s, “It’s not because of her ability to repopulate our race that I was drawn to her. We survived believing that there would be no more Dragons. We could survive the lack.” He swallowed. “She chose me because I was the best choice out of all the bad choices she was offered—but it was a choice she didn’t want to make. I want that to change.

“And, Kaylin, you are correct. She doesn’t speak. She won’t talk about anything but Shadow.”

She did, or had. But maybe not now. Maybe not especially now.

“Well, that was awkward,” Mandoran said, after Emmerian had cleared both the door to the manor and the fenced gate that surrounded it—the true boundary of Helen.

“It was,” Helen replied. “It is far easier for Bellusdeo to spend time with you because you want nothing from her; you have nothing you feel you could, or must, give.”

“Maybe he should try that.”

“If he could, I believe he would. Being a Dragon complicates things enormously; I believe she is the hoard he desires. That desire is not always destructive; it is what bound Tiamaris to Tara so strongly. Tara is what he desired—and Tara needed exactly that drive, that totality of commitment. It is not clear that Bellusdeo either needs it or would accept it.

“I like Lord Emmerian, and I am worried for him. I am worried for Bellusdeo. I believe the Tower is her true home in this world, but I think she moved out a bit too early.”

Kaylin glanced at Helen.

Helen’s smile was gentle. “She was at home here, with you—and with the members of the cohort who were willing to interact with her. She was learning to live in the world she now inhabits, if slowly. Those lessons didn’t have time to take root and fully blossom.”

“But...”

“There is a reason she came back, a reason she wanted to speak with—or to—you.” Helen hugged Kaylin gently, drawing her away from the door. “Perhaps she would have gone to her sisters, had they lived. I think the best thing we can do for Bellusdeo now is to untangle Mrs. Erickson’s power and ability. It was unfortunate that she saw the ghosts of those beloved sisters in the state they were in. But Emmerian and Bellusdeo have no chance if they remain trapped as they are.”

Kaylin leaned into Helen. “Evanton wants to speak with Mrs. Erickson. And it’s not about her sisters.”

“I know. But now, sleep. You have work in the morning, and Evanton in the evening, unless there is some other unforeseen emergency to interrupt his visit.”

There was no unforeseen emergency, or at least not one that woke Kaylin up in the middle of the night; she slept like a log. Why logs were supposed to be great at sleeping, she didn’t know, but didn’t think about it too much; Hope was her wake-up call, and he was loud.

It was funny; she’d’ve said that the absence of Hope would be a blessing, but the relief she felt at the grouchy dragonlet’s presence made clear that she would have been wrong.

Mrs. Erickson was not at the breakfast table.

“She is sleeping. While her guests are not as extreme in their concern as they were yesterday, they are still vibrating their fear. She speaks to them and calms them, but communication with them is still somewhat difficult; she can hear them, but I believe the translation that comes with her natural gift leaves something to be desired.

“Regardless, they hear her clearly, or perhaps hear her intent clearly.” Helen was worried. Of course she was. Kaylin was worried as well.

Kaylin could—and did—wake up at any hour of the night when there was an emergency, but she was younger than Mrs. Erickson, and lack of sleep didn’t affect her as badly. She could go days without much sleep and still function.

“Not entirely well, dear.”

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