Page 136 of Cast in Conflict

“You really should listen to Helen,” Mandoran said as he entered the dining room. “Sorry I’m late.” He glanced at Helen, who nodded.

“Were you guys fighting again?”

“No. Her anger burns out. It’s just surviving until it does that’s an issue. She would never have pulled you in deliberately.”

“She didn’t, dear,” Helen said quietly. “I do not blame her or hold any of you responsible for Kaylin’s involvement.”

Mandoran exhaled. “Even at her worst, she understands that you’re not like us. She doesn’t really want to kill us, either. Mostly.”

“Mostly?”

“Well, I think there are three occasions in which she would have cheerfully strangled Terrano—but we’ve all felt like that. But you know, I couldn’t answer Karriamis’s question, either.”

“You don’t care about the war.”

“Not really.” He grinned. “But I have no real plans, no real goals. I’d like to survive, and I’d like to be with people who care about me, and who I care about, without any of them trying to kill me in a black rage. I just... I don’t have any big goals, you know?”

“You don’t care.”

“Not really, no. Sedarias’s goals are big enough for a hundred people. I’m willing to help her with hers. Most of the time. You’re worried about Emmerian.”

“Do you eavesdrop on everything?”

“Only if it seems interesting.”

“Dear,” Helen said, in her disapproving voice.

Mandoran grinned. “You have to admit it’s not boring.”

“I have developed a taste for peace,” Helen replied.

“Given how little of it you’ve had recently, I guess peace isn’t boring either.” He looked at the plate Helen placed in front of him. “But the question Karriamis asked has almost all of us introspecting. Serralyn could answer it. Valliant. They’re living their answers, now. Neither of them want the Tower, though. What they want, they’ve been offered.”

“Allaron?”

“He’s a bit like me, but actually, he wants his family line.”

“And you don’t?”

“They abandoned me. I don’t feel much guilt at abandoning them, and to be frank, I hated them. I hated growing up while having to watch my back. I hated that my friends had to do the same—because some of them were bad at it, and they died. This was before I was sent to the West March.

“I meant what I said. I’m not ambitious—but I’m okay with that. I’m okay with making the family I chose, the family who chose me, my life.”

“Bellusdeo’s not part of that, though.”

Mandoran winced. “Don’t ask.”

“Ask what?”

“Never mind—I was talking out loud to someone who’s not in the room. I like who I like. I like the Dragon. She risked her life to get half of us to safety when Sedarias’s sister came to Alsanis. I feel like we owe her. Sedarias does, too.”

“But she doesn’t want to trade your life for hers.”

“She didn’t think Bellusdeo’s life was in danger. If I hated my family, none of them actively tried to murder me. I hated the rules. I hated the coldness of that life. I don’t want it back. Sedarias’s family was...special. But you know that. As long as Bellusdeo wasn’t in danger, what I was doing was beyond stupid.”

“She’s not wrong.”

He smiled.

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