Page 28 of Savage Games

I was sick in the head. Twisted. Messed up beyond redemption.

And it was all Richard’s fault.

Ever since I had met that man, my life had been a spinning kaleidoscope of dizzying colors and flashes of light. It seemed wonderful at first but eventually if you stared into the narrow shimmering tunnel too long you became disoriented. You could no longer tell what was real and what was imaginary.

He was toxic for me, of that there was no mistake.

My problem was I had become addicted to him, to the way he made me feel. I now craved that dizzying lightheaded kaleidoscope feel he gave me every time he touched me.

If I was ever to be able to sort out my feelings and reactions to him, I needed space… far away from him.

I would travel to Paris and plead with the authorities to take me to the United States Embassy. There I would get a replacement passport, and then pawn the brooch for money to get back home.

Home.

The United States didn’t feel like home anymore.

Richard felt like home.

What the hell have I done?

The train car slowly filled with the murmurings and shuffles of passengers, as one by one people found their seats. Tapping my foot, I anxiously waited for the train to pull away from the station. The moment the bar car opened, I was getting a double of the strongest liquor they had. Something that would burn and scar its way down my throat. Something that would uncoil this knot of dread that had tightened in my stomach.

Playing with the cheap frayed end of the scarf, I tried to let the hum of conversation about me soothe my nerves.

I would call Richard from the Embassy and let him know I was okay and that I just needed time away to think.

Yes.

That’s what I would do. Everything would be fine.

Looking down at my purse, I remembered the bloody feather that was still tucked inside.

What was I thinking?

This wasn’t some lover’s quarrel or a misunderstanding. This wasn’t me needing space. This was Richard plotting to kill me. I had heard it with my own ears.

Fuck. I couldn’t even think straight.

What really upset me was that, in this moment, I wanted Richard.

I wanted Richard to hold me and tell me it would be okay.

I wanted him to promise that he’d take care of everything.

I wanted him to step in and take control.

I wanted his strength and the feel of his arms around me.

Damn him!

It took me a moment to realize the train car had fallen silent.

All the bustle and conversation about me had stopped. It suddenly felt tense and unnaturally quiet. Leaning up in my seat, I hazarded a peek over the top of the seat in front of me.

Oh. My. God.

Richard.

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