Page 33 of One Hot Summer

“Ah, Lidl, the breeding ground for eligible bachelors wanting freshly baked sourdough bread.” I tried some recently. It was amazing.

“Well, where else did people used to meet each other and fall in love? Didn’t people used to bump into each other in the street and then get married?”

“So you went to the Lidl middle aisle, hoping to meet someone who would take you down the matrimonial aisle?”

“It was really late, but I couldn’t sleep. I was short on a few things so thought I’d go down to Lidl. Grabbed a basket and walked around. Anyway, I noticed this really good-looking guy.”

“Not Nigel the tween then?”

She chose to ignore me. “He had an NHS lanyard around his neck and was wearing a shirt and tie, so I figured he must be someone important. A consultant, perhaps. He was at the pineapples, picking them up one at a time. I noticed he didn’t have a wedding ring on, so I decided I needed a pineapple too.”

“Of course, we can never get enough pineapples. Did you buy one? We can make piña coladas.”

“Anyway… I picked one up and my hand just accidentally brushed against his. You know how it goes. ‘Oh, I’m so sorry’, I said. We had a laugh and a mid-aisle chatter. Compared pineapples. He’s a surgeon, had just finished a shift. Ten hours in surgery repairing someone’s spine who had fallen off a motorbike.”

“Ouch.” I cringed.

“I know, I could understand being tired after that, poor guy.”

“I meant ‘ouch’ for the dude on the motorbike, but never mind, carry on. Your hot surgeon without a wedding ring was buying a pineapple.”

“Well, we were flirting for about ten minutes until he finally asked me out, but the only time he could do was this morning. He was working all night and he’s on again later, so we agreed on a brunchy-type thing, but he’s fallen asleep.”

“Oh, what a shame.” I once fell asleep during a training session a few years ago. I couldn’t help it, so easily done. “Are you on your way back to work then?”

“No, I’m still here.”

“Wait, you’re still there? And he’s asleep?”

“Yep, he’s got the fork in one hand, his head in the other, and he’s asleep. It’s been about fifteen minutes. I’ve already taken a photo. I’ll send it to you on WhatsApp later.”

“Why are you still there then?”

“Jenny, the food here is amazing. It’s a new tapas place in Leeds. You should take Zack sometime.”

“Sounds like a great atmosphere if Dr Pineapple has fallen asleep. Or maybe you were too boring,” I said, laughing.

“Sod off, I was my delightful self. Anyway, you’ll be pleased to know that after this disaster, I’m going to give the dating app another try. I just need a better vetting system to avoid the fitness obsessed and the, well, Nigels.”

“I can help if you like?” I offered. “What time do you finish work today?”

“I should be done by four o’clock. What are you thinking?”

“Fancy meeting me when I finish at five? There’s a Wetherspoons not far from here, we could have a cheap and cheerful tea and then go through the app.”

“Oh, yes.” She thought about it. “Yes, actually that’s perfect. I can show you a photo of Dr Pineapple. I think you’ll be impressed. Oh… shhh.”

There was a muffled sound.

“Sorry,” she returned, “I thought he was waking up, but false alarm.”

I jumped as the door opened behind me.

“Sorry, hun,” Cheryl said. “Could you come back? Mr Corby is still on one about the reliability of the old gas street lamps, and there’s a queue forming behind him.”

“I’m on my way!” Cheryl disappeared back to the office. “I’ll have to go, it’s getting busy. Do you still need help putting furniture together this weekend?”

“If you guys don’t mind.”

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