She clears her throat and her eyes fill with challenge. “He’s not, though. You don’t want to claim him. You want to pretend he’s not yours.”
“I can’t be the father this baby needs.”
“Why not? Why can’t you be the baby’s father? What are you afraid of?”
Too many things to enumerate. But I’m not telling her my sad story.
“I will never abandon him. He’ll want for nothing. I’ll support him in all the other ways that matter.”
She shakes her head. “You don’t get it. The only way that matters is being his parent. Money doesn’t matter. Kids don’t care about money. They care about a loving, stable environment to grow up in.”
I squeeze her hip. “I don’t have anything to give.”
“Liar,” she lashes out. “You have a ton of love to give. I see how you are with Isla. How sweet you are with her. How protective you are of her. You’re worth more than your money.”
I falter for a moment. Is she right? Isla and I are good friends. But therein lies the problem. We’re friends. I’m not her parent. She has Leia and Fender to help her grow up.
“I’m not the parenting kind.”
“Said by every coward who ever lived.” She pushes against my chest. “Move. I want to get down.”
I don’t want her to go anywhere. I want her here in my arms where she belongs. But I will never trap Aurora. Never force her to stay somewhere she doesn’t want to.
I step back and she hops down. “I understand my pregnancy was a surprise. I wasn’t exactly expecting to get pregnant from a rockstar who doesn’t want children. But I will not allow you to pick and choose the parts of parenthood you want. You’re either all in or you’re out.”
Pain lashes through me. “I can’t be all in. I’m sorry. I can’t.”
I wasn’t built to be a dad.
Her shoulders slump and I want to reach for her. To pull her into my arms and tell her I lied. But I can’t. I didn’t lie. I can’t be all in with this child.
Aurora isn’t down for long, though. She inhales a deep breath and straightens her back. My feisty girl can’t be defeated. Even by me.
“Thanks for your honesty.” She shuffles away from me. “I’m going to bed.”
“What about you?” I holler after her. “Do you want this baby?”
She glances over her shoulder at me with a soft smile on her face. “More than anything in this world. Me and Little Bean will be a family.”
Considering she lost her family when she was a teenager, I can understand her desire for one. She knows how it feels to be part of a loving family and wants to recreate it with the baby.
I don’t know what a loving family is. I’ve never had one. I’m not in a hurry to try and create something I don’t know how to be a part of.
But no matter what Aurora says, I will never let the baby suffer. I might not be his dad but he will have everything his little heart desires.
I watch Aurora walk up the stairs. Too bad I can’t have everything my heart desires. But it’s better this way.
Chapter 19
Gossip gal – an elderly woman who wouldn’t know what privacy is if it walked up to her and introduced itself
Aurora
I sigh as I sip my coffee. I set the cup down next to my computer and begin scrolling through my emails. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Jett swipe the mug from the table.
“What are you doing?”
He pours the coffee down the drain. “You shouldn’t be drinking caffeine. It’s not good for the baby.”