Page 54 of Kind of a Bad Idea

“That was just biology, a body fighting to live even though the spirit was ready to go. That’s just how humans are wired. I promise you that she was so proud of you. You did the right thing.”

I fight to swallow past the fist shoving up my throat. “I don’t know,” I rasp. “I’ve always wondered if she ch-changed her mind at the last minute. If she died hating me for being a monster.”

“Never,” he says without a beat of hesitation. “She loved you. And she was what, seventy? Eighty?”

“Eighty-two,” I mumble. “She didn’t have Mom until she was thirty something. It was late for back then.”

“Eighty-two years is plenty of time to know your own mind,” he says. “And it sounds like she knew hers better than most. She wouldn’t have asked you to do what you did without a lot of thought. She knew what she wanted.” He pulls back, gazing down at me. “Don’t doubt that. She wouldn’t want you to. You saved her from a life that was causing her nothing but suffering. You were her hero.”

Fresh tears stream down my cheeks. “I loved her so much. I couldn’t say no. She’d already asked me twice before that week not to call the ambulance if she started to go. She’d decided she didn’t want to go back to the hospital or try chemo again. She said she was r-ready.”

He brushes his palm over my forehead, smoothing my hair back. “And she was. It’s time to let this go. You aren’t a murderer. You’re a brave woman who did a very hard thing to help someone you loved. Like you always do.”

I sniff. “This isn’t why I told you. I didn’t want you to comfort me or…absolve me or whatever. I wanted you to know that I have crazy shit in my past, too. If anything, I’m not good enough for you, not vice versa.”

He shakes his head, the love in his eyes unwavering. “Nope. Not even close. You’re one in a million. One in a hundred million. The world doesn’t deserve you.”

“That’s not true,” I say. “At least half the people I know think I’m too much. Too loud or too bossy or just…weird.”

He cups my face in his big hand, making me feel tiny the way only he can. “Courage can seem weird in a world full of cowards. I’m sorry I was one of them.”

“Was?” I squeak, a tiny flicker of hope sparking to life inside my chest. “Does that mean you’re not going to be one anymore?”

“I’m going to try,” he says. “And when I fail, I trust you’ll let me know it’s time to step up my game.”

Another sob spasms in my chest, but this one is all relief. “Really?”

He nods, his brow furrowing as he brushes his thumb across my jaw. “When I was driving around before, after I thought you’d left, I kept thinking that I was too broken for you. That I didn’t have the hope for the future that younger people have. That I was too beaten down by life to be good for you. But now I’m starting to think maybe that’s a good thing.”

I frown. “I don’t understand.”

His lips press together for a beat before he adds in a slower voice, “I know how cruel the world can be. I’ve had enough experience by now that a lot of the time, I can see it coming, and shift direction before it can knock me flat. I was so busy thinking of all the ways that loving you could knock me flat, I didn’t stop to think about the other side of this.”

My brows pinch closer together as I give another little shake of my head, still not certain where he’s going with this.

His lips curve. “I can use my experience with getting body slammed by life to keep it from body slamming the woman I love. I can keep you safe from the things that tried to take my hope away. Maybe not all of them, but at least some. And maybe I can keep them from taking yours.”

Heart melting, I wrap my arms around his waist. “I don’t need you to protect me, Seven. I just need you to love me back.”

“Well, tough shit, McGuire,” he rumbles. “Protection is one of the services I provide. It’s just the way I’m built.”

“I like the way you’re built,” I whisper, leaning into him, until my breasts are flattened against his chest. “I’m going to like it forever, even if you turn into a shriveled old man who needs me to carry him up the rock face on my back in a sling.”

He smiles, a soft, loving, trusting smile I want to keep on his face forever. “Hopefully, it won’t come to that, but thanks. In the meantime, I’ll do my damnedest to stay in peak physical condition, so I can keep up with my sexy younger girlfriend.”

I couldn’t fight the smile bursting across my face if I tried. “Girlfriend. I like the sound of that.”

“Me, too,” he says, his eyes shining. “I love you, Binx. I’m really glad you didn’t give up on me.”

“Never,” I promise. “Now help me burn my sins and take me to bed.”

“Done,” he vows, and he’s a man of his word.

We stoke the fire back to life and toss all my scribbles on the flames. Then he picks me up and carries me to bed, where we make love with a sweet, wild abandon that makes me feel closer to a person than I ever have before. When he comes inside me, crying my name, I wrap every limb around him, holding him close, never wanting to forget a second of this—the first night of our forever.

“Forever,” I murmur, kissing his shoulder. “I’m going to keep you forever.”

“Not if I keep you first,” he says, lifting his head to smile down at me. “How would you feel about cold sausages in bed?”

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