Page 35 of Something New

He set down his phone.

"Who is this?" I asked.

"Sam Cooke. I looked at the title just now."

"This is good."

I stood in the middle of the living room and offered him my hand, and he smiled and walked over toward me. It was too slow to really boogey, and too fast to slow dance. It was a perfect song for us to stand in a loose waltz pose and gently sway together.

I led him, but he didn't need it. I could feel that he had good rhythm because he was right with me as I moved. For the first few seconds, I was concentrating on dancing, keeping the beat, and making sure I found the pocket with my movements.

It took me a moment to settle down and realize that I was touching him in about five different places. One arm was wrapped around him and the other was in his hand. I stood close enough that my body brushed his in other places, too.

Goodness, gracious, John-Michael Kennedy was the best dance partner I ever had. I touched him lightly, but my senses were hyper-aware, and I felt tingling goodness all over my body. I was a seasoned dancer and my body found the beat even when my mind and heart became focused on the man in front of me.

We moved for a while, falling into a gentle rhythmic motion as the song played. It was the most fun I ever had dancing, and that was saying a lot. My body and mind were at peace and fulfilled in that moment as I swayed in his arms.

"It's playing again," I said once the song was playing for the second time. Maybe it was the third. It was on repeat. I was relieved because I didn't want the next song to ruin the moment.

"Ethan had that other song on repeat."

We swayed for another moment, holding onto each other lightly as we moved.

"You're a pro at this," I said, thinking he would want to wrap it up.

"I'm not a pro, but I'm not hating it."

"You're not?" I asked looking at him.

"No."

"Because you're a good dancer. I can feel that."

We swayed to the beat of the song and his midnight eyes stared straight into mine. I was on fire where he touched me. I could hardly remember to breathe. I could see that he was attracted to me, and it was one of the better moments of my life.

But it was only a moment.

The state of bliss was short-lived because a wave of guilt and regret came crashing over me. It felt like the wave left destruction—like it made a gap between John-Michael and myself.

"Is everything okay?" he asked, seeing my face shift.

"I-it's just that I'm…" I stopped dancing, looking at him. "I wish I could feel like I deserve this moment right now. I'm not trying to be dramatic or drag you into anything, but I'm just… I went out this weekend. Nothing happened. I made it home safely and everything. But my brothers were mad, and my parents were too, and I…"

I broke contact with him, stepping back and standing still in front of him. "I'm not as good of a person as you thought I was. I know I mentioned not partying anymore… but I didn't even make it three weeks without… I do want you to know that I would have never done that if I knew I was coming to hang out with you and E. I hadn't heard from you, and I didn't know I'd be coming over here or anything. I went out with my friends. I didn't want it to be under false pretenses. I didn't want to make you think I'm something that I'm not. I'm not as good of a person as I want to be. The thing is… I would love… I'm sorry. I just wanted to try to be open and honest with you."

He hesitated, looking at me thoughtfully.

"Were you with someone?"

"What? No. When?"

"This weekend. Were you with someone?"

"No."

He took a deep breath. "Well, I feel like at this point, your choices are your own, and we can just feel it out."

"I just feel sorry about it. I just wanted to be honest since I didn't know how you were feeling."

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