Page 13 of Something New

"I wanted to ask you about babysitting," he said.

(That was the jab. It stung because I was embarrassed for thinking he liked me.)

"I was talking to your brothers about you the other day. My mom was too. We were asking about you because I'm looking for another babysitter. They told us your story, and honestly, we all make choices we regret. I don't want you to think I would judge you for any of that. I was telling my mom that as long as you're clean now, I definitely think you would make a great babysitter."

(These statements were the final crushing blow—like a big right hand to the jaw, causing me to feel stunned, hurt.)

I blinked, staring away from him.

So much about what he had just said was wrong. I had been looking at him and smiling at him like I actually had a chance with him romantically, and here he was, asking me to babysit. He was barely doing that.

Had he said that he hoped I was clean now?

The thought of that word made me cringe. I was not a drug addict, and I had never ever heard that word used in reference to me.

I tried to continue to smile. "Did my brothers tell you I was a drug addict or something?" I asked, making a casual face, trying to act nonchalant and unoffended.

"Wh-no, I mean, they, they were telling me about your story."

"What story?"

"That you had wrecked your car and got arrested and charged with a DUI and everything."

"My friend got the DUI, not me. It was just my car."

"Oh, okay, well, they said you had run into some trouble, and I thought they said you were getting clean."

I winced when he said it again.

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have put it like that. It's just that I need some help with Ethan and he loves you. I thought it was perfect. I actually need someone this weekend. Your brothers didn't say bad things about you. If they had, I definitely wouldn't trust you with Ethan."

I glanced at him and he made an apologetic expression that seemed quite sincere. He was a beautiful human, physically, and on that level, it was difficult to deny him anything. But one, he basically said I need to 'get clean' which implies that he saw me as dirty. Secondly, I didn't make it a habit to babysit.

"I don't babysit," I said out loud when the thought crossed my mind. "Thank you for the offer and everything, but I do school, and then I work at night, and, I… never have babysat anyone, not even in high school. No offense to kids, but I don't usually love hanging out with them. Your son's really cool, and I actually liked chillin' with him, but he's the exception and not the rule."

"Oh, okay."

"And I'm not a junkie or anything. I don't know what my brothers told you, but I don't have a drug problem. I have a good job. I have responsibilities that I keep up with—lots of them."

"I'm really sorry if I offended you. I didn't expect to run into you on campus. My mom's planning to give you my number the next time she sees you."

"I went to the hospital and then to jail with my friend that night. My brothers had to bail us out at six in the morning, and they were not happy. That's the day you saw me. I made choices that night, and I'm living with them. I was too out of it to handle the situation better, and I'm suffering the consequences for that. I do want you to know that I'm not actively on drugs, though. I would never do drugs around your son. I was just coming away from a big party, and even then, it's rare for me to be that messed up."

That part was a bit of a lie. I partied nearly every weekend, but I knew saying that would make my drug use sound worse than it was.

"Like I said, I trust you or I wouldn't have asked you about watching him. I guess it really doesn't matter since you're not interested, anyway. I'll still walk you by the bookstore. I'm headed that way."

"It's crazy that you're a teacher here. You so don't seem like that's what you do for a job."

"Why?"

"I don't know—just the way you look. What kind of teacher?"

"Math," he said

"You definitely don't look like a math teacher. Maybe art or psychology."

"What are math teachers supposed to look like?"

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