Page 1 of Mine To Keep

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CHAPTER ONE: CASSIDY

I can feel the harsh glare of the winter sun on me—on my face specifically, so I force my eyes open and glance around to see that we’re outside a small convenience store.

I’m in the passenger seat, all alone in my dad’s Ford Raptor. I must have been out for a few hours at least because the last time I was awake, we were still surrounded by buildings and civilization and now all that surrounds us is thick black spruce trees and the rugged wilderness of Salt Harbour, a small town nestled on the coast of British Columbia.

I can feel light droplets on my skin as I stick my arm out of the window. The air is thick with the fresh, salty scent carried straight from the ocean. It’s been forever since I’ve been back home. Five years to be exact. Even though Dad and I have lived in Seattle for a while, this will always feel more like home to me than our silent townhouse and the bustling city.

Salt Harbour is much smaller of course and hobbies out here are limited to fishing, surfing, hiking, and watching amazing thunderstorms during the colder months. But I like it.

Now that we’re here and it’s cold, I’m hoping to catch one of those thunderstorms. It used to scare the shit out of me when I was younger, but as I grew up I learned to appreciate the beauty of them even if they terrified me.

Every Summer and Winter, we’d come up to Salt Harbour. Dad, Mom, and me along with Dad’s twin brothers, Thorne and Beckett. We got together at the huge Reed Family Cabin that Grandpa had built back in the day for family vacations. But life happened, and everyone sort of drifted apart. Even Mom and Dad. But they mostly drifted apart because Mom had found someone else while she was supposedly doing work in New York for three months straight.

So she left May last year, but I knew she and Dad were over way before then. My baby sister, Autumn was born with cancer and she didn’t have a chance past the three years the doctors had predicted for her. Autumn’s death broke us all. I went to college right after so that I could forget, but while I was off trying to pretend that everything would be okay when I got back, my parents were falling apart. They used to fight all the time and even if they did try to be civil, it always turned into a screaming match. In all my years, I had never seen them be so bitter towards each other. It made me sick to listen to the insults and the way Autumn’s name would be dragged into every single fight.

It always went back to the same argument. Mom would blame Dad for not trying harder, for not fighting for Autumn because he didn’t want her to go for any more testing during her last few months. She was so sick and I don’t think he could handle the pain anymore of watching her suffer. And then there were times when Mom would get drunk and I would keep my bedroom door closed with my hands wrapped around my ears so I didn’t have to hear, but I always heard. I heard the way she blamed him for Autumn’s death and if anything, I knew those words broke my Dad’s heart every time he had to hear them.

They both had their shortcomings, but I knew how fucking mean Mom could be when she had one too many glasses of alcohol. And she wasn’t saying these things by accident. She was just spewing the rest of the bullshit she didn’t have the balls to say to my dad’s face when she was sober. My dad on the other hand would listen to her silently. He never blamed her or asked her for anything. So when she walked out on him, he let her go because that’s how he was. He didn’t want to make her feel like she was tied to this family that she no longer wanted.

I tried to stay neutral in my feelings towards both of them, but when Mom just packed up and left for New York permanently, I took that as a big “Fuck You” sign to say that she never gave a shit about both Dad and me.

It wasn’t just about him. It was about her finding her new life much better than coming home to a loving family that was slowly trying to heal.

The cool breeze drifts into the car and I’m forced to get my window up. I should have worn the jeans I had initially chosen earlier rather than the short white skirt that barely covered my ass and a cropped pink sweater like that was going to keep me warm.

I glance up just in time to see my dad walking out of the store with two brown grocery bags in one hand and a case of beer in the other. Reaching across the center console, I unlock his door and push it open for him.

“Thank you, Cass,” he says quietly and I take the two bags from him before placing them onto the back seats.

“Daddy,” I say in a small voice as he gets in beside me and shuts his door.

“Oh no.” He shakes his head and glances over at me.

It’s been a tough two years with Autumn’s death and mom leaving. I notice the tiredness in my dad’s mannerisms. The look of lost hope in his hazel eyes. I could stare into his eyes forever. Get myself lost in them. The wild green and soft brown and golden flecks.

But leave the sadness aside, after Mom left, Dad started hitting the gym again.

He was really packing muscle. I saw how much tighter his t-shirts were and how his shoulders rippled with muscle underneath the thin material. Maybe I noticed it too often and a part of me liked watching him.

I got back a few months ago and I had tried to convince myself that it was normal when I started getting jealous at the way women would be checking my Dad out when we went shopping. For some reason, it really pissed me off and I didn’t know why. Or maybe I did and I was just trying to ignore it. I saw the envious glares those women gave me as I walked with him and I have no idea whether they thought we were together… together. Like a couple and oddly it didn’t make me feel gross about it. I loved him. He was my daddy and he loved me too, but I just didn’t know if it was in the same way that I loved him.

“What?” I can’t stop the grin that spreads across my face.

“You only use that voice when you want something or if you did something silly,” he says.

“I haven’t done anything.” I touch his shoulder and rub my fingers along the soft material of his black and grey flannel jacket.

His eyes flash with something and it’s gone before I can tell what it is, but I know I saw something there.

“Okay, I didn’t pack a lot of warm stuff and my ass is freezing right now,” I admit.

“Jeez, Cassidy.” He shakes his head as he pulls his flannel jacket off and hands it over to me. “I told you so many times to pack warm. It’s not Summer. I don’t think you were listening to me.”

“Yeah, I didn’t listen. Spank me, Daddy.” I mean it as a joke but reach over and touch his thigh and this time when he glances over at me, I don’t mistake the heat in his eyes.

That look makes me feel all sorts of ways.

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