Page 48 of Milk & Cookie

It’s my turn to groan. “That’s what everyone always worries about, but the truth is, nobody can tell. I know I look like a frickin’ mountain, but Mom swears I was a mere seven pounds at birth. That’s nowhere near as big as Raven. And I mean, I know Fred’s small, but she has good breeding hips, and even if our kids turn out to be whoppers like me, it’s not like they’re going to walk out of her fully grown.” I tear a bite off my twist and chew it aggressively, to diffuse some of my frustration.

“Defensive, huh?”

“Yeah, well… You go through life wanting something, you get pretty tired of people telling you all the reasons they don’t think you should have it.”

Gail gives a soft grunt. “Maybe it’s time we all get what we want, then.”

I search her face and swallow. “What is it that you want?”

“Peace,” she says.

I hold out my hand, for her to shake. “Then peace you shall have.”

She looks at my hand, and then at hers — now caked in sticky dough. “We’ll shake on it later.”

I retract my hand with a nod. “We’ll shake on it later,” I agree. “Good talk. I’m off to buy Fred a ring now. And before you say, She doesn’t believe in marriage, I don’t care. I don’t need anything more official than her word, but I’m going to get her a pretty ring and ask her if we can spend the rest of our lives together.”

Gail studies me a moment, and then shrugs. “Sounds like you know what you’re doing. I’ll call Fred and tell her to air out the cottage.”

My phone rings, and I look at the screen. “Or I can ask her right now.” I grin, as I hold the phone to my ear. “Hello, Frederica. You’ve reached the president of your fan club.”

She sniffs before she gives a soft laugh, and I lose my smile as my heart pounds faster. “What’s wrong, Angel? Are the girls okay?”

“Yes. Everyone’s okay. Everything’s fine.” She takes a shuddered breath. “I just wanted to hear your voice.”

“How can everything be fine if you sound upset?” I ask her in my softest tone.

She grumbles a resigned moan, and then squeaks out what’s troubling her. “I got my period.”

My heart breaks for her — for us. We both wanted to have our dream as fast as possible, but that’s not always the way nature works. “Oh, sweet girl. I’m sorry we weren’t blessed this soon, but that doesn’t mean we won’t be. I’m coming home, Angel. Go put your feet up. Tell the girls it’s snack time and let them raid the fridge for a floor picnic, and I’ll be home as soon as I can. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she says, her voice breaking.

My heart squeezes. I can’t leave her crying.

“Okay, new plan, baby. I’m just going to keep you on the line while I drive. I’ll sing to you, and the girls can join in if you put me on speakerphone. It’ll be very distracting, I promise. I sound remarkably similar to Adele.” I wave farewell to Gail, who has a smile on her face so warm, I feel like everything’s going to be okay. I’ve been accepted.

It’s as if Fred’s never been able to fully relax.

I leave the kitchen, where the girls and I are conducting some very grand culinary experiments with fruit and cream, and go to check on her, but she’s off the couch again. Picking up toys, this time.

“I’ll do that.” I make sure Raven’s tightly strapped onto me, before I scoop up her mother and put her back on the couch.

“But I’m not doing anything,” Fred complains, frowning as I pull the light blanket back over her lap.

“That’s the point, Freddie. You’re resting.” I kiss her head and check her hot-water bottle. “Want me to put on the kettle for more water? Or would you prefer I run you a bath?” Raven declares she has a specific and grumbly opinion about things, and I nod like I’m agreeing with her. I bounce and pat her diaper-butt through the sling, as I turn back to Fred. “Raven says a bath would be more restful, because we already tidied up the toys in there.”

Fred leans back on the couch and sucks at her bottom lip, while she looks me up and down. Her eyes get glassy, and I shake my head as I take a knee beside her.

“There’s no need to cry, Angel.” I rest my hand on her leg. “Everything is going to be okay.”

She nods and wipes her eyes. “It’s just that you’re so good at this. And you look so content with a baby in your arms, and I’m sad you’ve wanted to be a dad forever and couldn’t be. I wanted to make your dreams come true, but…” She makes a sweeping gesture at her belly and sniffs. “I wanted to be your angel, not make you have to wait longer.”

My heart melts, and I pull her into a cuddle with Raven. “You have given me my dream. I’m holding our baby girl in my arms right now. We’ve got two more daughters on the kitchen floor, covered in whipped cream and jam. This is the dream. Anything else is a bonus, and we don’t ever have to stop trying to create more love. Now, I need to go check on the chefs, but may I please run you a bath, so you can have it before the kids turn it purple with blackberries?”

She laughs softly and sniffs. “Okay.”

“Thank you, beautiful.”

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