Page 81 of Room Service
I smile softly, having no doubt that he will keep that promise. “I hope you do. But if not, I’ll always love you.” I had to say it one last time before I opened the door and walked away from the only man who has ever loved me for me. And in doing this, I’m ensuring I save the man I love from becoming a version of himself that he never asked for.
Chapter Fifty-Seven
DORIEN
I let her go. She walked away. I’m shit at goodbyes, and I had no intention of dragging it out. I feel pain like no other shoot through me, and I grab a bottle of scotch from the kitchen, taking it onto the balcony and swigging it straight from the bottle rather than fucking about getting a glass. My eyes are pinned to the street below as I wait for her leave the hotel, and when she emerges, my fucking heart goes with her.
I get that she needs a moment to process all of the shit that she’s been through, but all it does is fucking hurt that she’s walked away from me.
I swig the scotch until she’s out of sight, and then I turn and hurl the fucking bottle at the window, causing it to shatter in pieces at my feet. The window is made of sterner stuff, but the bottle is like me. Broken.
It’s funny how she was the broken one to start with, and all I wanted to do was to give her one night where she could forget, and yet here I am, standing on this balcony with my heart ripped into shreds. And I guess I’m the broken one after all.
Chapter Fifty-Eight
ELISE
One month later
Everything has moved so quickly, apart from that first week which was hell on earth. I cried so many tears, I felt pain slicing through me all the time, and even as I still feel pain now, it’s not as prominent as it was back then.
I allowed myself a week of living on Celeste’s sofa to give me time to grieve everything that had taken me to this point. I allowed myself to miss Dorien, to ache for him, to scream out loud that I wasn’t with him, to punish myself for making this decision to walk away. And then I stopped and picked myself back up.
I made this choice, and I need to give it my best shot, because otherwise, it was all for nothing. So, I sold the house I used to share with Derrick, and I used the money to rent a small apartment on the outskirts of the city. I enrolled in art classes at the local college that’s a small walk from where I live. I took a part-time job as a cleaner in the evenings, just cleaning some offices after the workers had finished for the day, and I really only did that to keep my mind busy. In my spare time, I draw, pouring my feelings onto the page, putting it into designs that act as a kind of therapy for me, in a way.
I also signed over the deeds to my parents’ house to them, because I didn’t want anything to do with it. I didn’t see them to do this, and my solicitor handled everything. I’m sure my mother was just pleased to have gotten something out of her fuck-up of a daughter and the man she harboured a secret love for, but I fail to give them the headspace. They don’t deserve it.
I gave the police my new contact details, in case they needed to get in touch with me about Derrick, but I’ve not really heard anything further. No body has been found, and I doubt they’ll ever find it now.
I speak to Celeste most days, and she fills me on how much she is loving her new role, but she doesn’t speak about Dorien. She tried when I spent that week on her sofa, and then when she saw me get up and dust myself off, she stopped.
Every time I speak to her, I’m dying to ask if she’s seen him, how he is, what he’s been doing, but I don’t. It would only hurt more to know if he’s moved on. I’d rather remain in ignorant bliss.
I heard from Chantel in the first week, but I was too numb to speak to her, so I’m yet to make that phone call. I don’t know if I should. She’s Dorien’s family. Maybe I’ll pluck up the courage one day, but by the time that comes, I’ll probably have left it too late.
I’ve made a couple of friends living here, two of them also staying in this apartment block, but they’re into the clubbing thing and hooking up on the weekends, whereas I’d rather stay in and draw.
And so, my new life is simple, which is a stark contrast to my mind.
Chapter Fifty-Nine
DORIEN
Two months later
It’s been three months since she left, and I mark every fucking day on a calendar. The more I mark off, the closer I am to going after her.
I’ve been a miserable bastard for most of it, but about a week ago, I let go of the anger that had consumed me since the moment she walked out of the door. I know she didn’t do it to hurt me, but fuck does it sting. I guess it helped that Hayley, the previous hotel manager, got her comeuppance. I was never going to let her get away with what she did, and now, she’s begging for scraps, because no respectable employer will touch her with a barge pole. She deserves to rot for the part she played in Elise’s ex-husband hurting her. She deserves to suffer for all of the years she talked down to people and made them feel like they were nothing. She deserves it for hurting the only woman I’ve ever loved.
Chantel and Gabriel have been checking in on me, and I hate the fucking pity in their voices even as they try to hide it. I’ve reverted to my go-to mode of business and nothing else. I haven’t entertained going back to my one-night trysts because even the thought makes me feel sick. I’m just hoping she’s worked through her shit in the next three months, because once that’s over, I’m not letting her go again, ever.
Chapter Sixty
ELISE
Four months have gone by, and each day I feel more at peace, more in touch with who I am and who I want to be. My art course is going well, and I finally plucked up the courage a week ago to phone Chantel back. She never gave up trying, and I have to admire her determination. So, here I sit, at a café by the beach, which is about an hour away from my apartment. I don’t want anyone but Celeste to know where I am, not until the time comes for Dorien to find me, if he still wants to.
I sip my iced coffee and look out at the calm waves, the sun beaming down on me. It’s glorious, and it feels so refreshing. I’ve found myself just appreciating the simple things in life, something I never allowed myself to do before.
