Page 80 of Room Service
Can I really walk away from him so as not to taint him anymore?
Can I really give him up?
I enter the penthouse quietly, and there’s no sign of Dorien in the main room, until he walks out of the bathroom, reminding me of how he takes my breath away. I know with certainty that I would do anything for him, just like he’s seemingly done for me, but isn’t that unhealthy? Isn’t it toxic?
The worst part is I can’t talk to anyone but Dorien about this, because the last thing I would ever want to do is get him into trouble or change anyone’s opinion of him.
“Hey,” he says as he walks towards me, stopping when he sees the expression on my face.
“We need to talk,” I tell him quietly. His jaw ticks as we stand there, him waiting for me to continue. “We need to talk about what we’re doing here.”
“I thought that was obvious, Elise. I love you, you love me, so what is there to question?”
“Dorien, last night…” My voice trails off as his head drops, and without him looking at me, I say what I think we both need in order to find out who we truly are. “I didn’t ask as many questions as I should have, but I’m guessing that you were involved in having Derrick’s suicide note sent to my mother.” He just looks at me, but I know the answer, he doesn’t have to tell me it was his idea. “I think we should take a break.”
His head flies back up, and he looks at me like I just gave him the most devastating news he’s ever heard. “What?”
“I… I think we should pause whatever this is,” I say pathetically.
“Whatever this is?” He looks enraged. “And what exactly does that mean?”
I take a breath, steadying my erratic heart as it threatens to beat out of my chest. “We need time, Dorien, to figure out who we are.”
“I know who I am, Elise. I’m a man that felt nothing before you. I’m a man that refused to let anyone in. I’m a man that relied only on himself… until you.”
The tears threaten to creep up on me, and I blink rapidly, knowing I need to get through this without breaking. I can break later, but not now.
“I just… I can’t be the reason that you become someone that you never wanted to be,” I say, not making much sense as I struggle to explain what’s going on in my head.
“You’re going to have to spell it out for me, Elise, because I’m not following.”
“You played a part in Derrick’s death, and I don’t need to know what that is, but you did that because of me. You put yourself in a position where you could possibly face prison because of me. You had the police sniffing around here yesterday because of me, and I can’t be the reason you fall, Dorien. I won’t be the reason you fall.”
“Elise, you need to cut this shit out and start thinking clearly,” he demands, but I think this is the clearest I’ve seen in my whole life. The pain I feel in this moment hurts, my head is screaming at me to not fucking do this, but even as my heart aches, I know this is what needs to happen in order to save myself. To save him.
“I could get lost in you forever, Dorien,” I say softly, walking towards him until I’m stood in front of him, my hand cupping his cheek. “I could lose myself completely to just be with you, but it wouldn’t be fair to either of us. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, I truly do, and I’ll never be able to show you just how much you’ve freed me.”
He brings his head down, his forehead resting against mine, his hands on my hips, and my other hand resting over his heart.
“But I need to live without you.” I almost choke on the words as I close my eyes and feel the tears falling down my cheeks. “You need to be without me, too. We’ve been so wrapped up in one another and all of the drama, that I think our judgements are clouded.”
“Elise, don’t do this,” he begs, his voice breaking as he speaks.
“You need this just as much as I do, and then, if we’re meant to be, we’ll come back to one another.”
“This isn’t a fucking fairy-tale, Elise,” he says, his voice a little more firm than a moment ago.
“But it could be.” I open my eyes and feel like I’m looking into his soul. “And it could be the most beautiful fairy-tale ever written.” I push my lips to his and kiss him, pouring everything into this moment, because if this doesn’t pan out the way my mind has showed me, then I may never get a chance to kiss him again. He holds me tight, not wanting to let me go, and I allow myself to feel every bit of sadness that wraps around my heart, my lungs, and every fucking organ in my body.
I know I’m going to regret this the moment I walk out of here—hell, I already do regret it, but I also know we both need it, even if he doesn’t understand that right now.
I break my lips from his and look into his gorgeous eyes that I will remember forever. “Thank you for everything you’ve done, Dorien.”
He stays silent and his arms drop to his sides, a cold feeling washing over me. I go to the bedroom and pack the few things I have here, and then I walk back out to the main room, Dorien standing in the same spot. His hands are in his pockets, his head hanging down. My heart thumps wildly as I walk past him and put my hand on the doorknob.
“I’ll make sure Celeste takes over my managerial role.” The role I’ve had for only forty-eight hours.
“Six months,” he says, making me frown as he lifts his head and looks at me, the electricity zinging between us, like it always has. “I’ll give you six months, and then I’m coming to find you.”
