Page 32 of Part of Me
“You what?” She is so shocked by this news that she stares at me with her mouth hanging open.
“I went to see him.”
“Okay, how am I only just hearing about this now?”
“Because I’ve been too busy ‘zoning the fuck out’ as you so kindly put it to tell you any sooner.”
“This is huge. Are you guys getting back together?” Tori looks animated as she asks me this question. I know that she thinks I was hasty for leaving Luke, but then she doesn’t know the whole story. No one does. I never told anyone the real reason that I left. I just told them all that we had decided to part ways and that I felt uncomfortable talking about it. How was I meant to tell everyone that Luke had gotten himself mixed up in some bad shit? I still love Luke, and I still don’t want people thinking badly of him. My mum has been the only person to try and get me to open up, but I still won’t.
“I don’t know about that, but I do know that he is going to be in my life for a long time to come.” Tori furrows her brows at me, looking utterly confused. I decide to put her out of her misery sooner rather than later. “Seeing as I’m pregnant with his baby,” I say, dropping the second bombshell. If I thought that Tori had looked shocked at my first bombshell then that is nothing compared to how she looks now. Her mouth opens and closes, and her eyes are wide. I sip my hot chocolate as I wait for the news to fully hit her. I let a smirk cross my lips at the fact that I have left her so gobsmacked.
“You’re… you mean…” Tori is clearly having trouble with what to say, but she soon remedies that with a loud shriek as the news sinks in and she stands up, coming around the other side of the table to give me a hug. I laugh and hug her back. “Oh my god, Char!” she exclaims as she continues to hug me.
“I know, it was a shock to me too.”
“This is fucking unreal.” She finally lets me go and the grin on her face is huge. “Holy shit.” I bat her away and gesture for her to sit back down. Some of the other customers are watching us, but I couldn’t care less right now. They will soon get bored of watching us and go back to their own conversations. “When did you find out?” she asks.
“A few days ago. I wanted to wait until I had been to the doctors to have it confirmed before telling anyone. Then once they had confirmed it, I thought that it was only right that Luke be the first one to know.”
“Fuck. How was he when you told him?”
“He was fine. Better than fine, actually.”
“And how do you feel about all of this?” Tori asks me. I knew that she would ask me this at some point, and I am ready with my answer.
“I’m okay. Sure, I was nervous to start with, but those nerves soon went once I saw how happy he was.” I picture his face as I told him the news, and it makes me smile.
“Well, that’s good, but how are you going to feel about having him back in your life?” I can see the concern on her face. She knows that my heart is still broken. A whoosh of air escapes me as I battle with the many emotions that have been raging through me since yesterday.
“I’m not going to lie; it’s going to be hard seeing him and not being with him. But this isn’t about just Luke and me anymore. I’m carrying a baby that I need to think about now, and I can’t not see Luke just because I am still hurting. I can’t deprive my child of knowing it’s father, and I would never want to do that.”
“No, I know that, Char, but you have to look after yourself too. You’re not over him and you don’t need to be stressed out, especially now,” she replies, indicating towards my stomach.
“I will be fine. Yes, I still love him, and yes, I wish that things hadn’t ended between us, but they did. As long as I concentrate on this little one,” I say as I touch my stomach. “Then nothing else matters.” I already feel a bond being created with the child that I am carrying. I already feel love for the little person growing inside of me.
“You’re a stronger woman than me, Charlie Thomas. I would be a complete mess right about now if I was in your shoes.” I don’t take offence at Tori’s words. I know what she is getting at.
“I don’t want to be a mess. I have cried over what happened, more than I care to think about, but ultimately, it gets me nowhere. It’s not going to change the fact that Luke and I are no longer a couple. It’s not going to bring back the last three months that we have been apart. I am moving into another chapter of my life now, and I’ll be damned if I am going to let misery overshadow this experience.” I can hear the determination in my voice, and I truly believe it. I don’t need to be upset anymore. I think that seeing Luke has helped me in a way. To see that we can both be adults about this and put the baby first is refreshing. To know that we are going to be the best parents that we can be is humbling. Tori smiles at me and picks up her cup, holding it in the air.
“I would like to make a toast,” she says, making me smile. I pick up my own cup and mirror her pose. “To the little one growing inside of you. May you be blessed with your mother’s determination and strength,” she says, directing her comments to my non-existent baby bump. “You’re one of the best, Char, and don’t you ever forget it,” she finishes, her focus back on me rather than my stomach. I feel tears spring to my eyes at Tori’s touching words. I clamp my jaw down to stop myself from letting the tears fall. Tori clinks her cup against mine and then takes a sip of her drink. I lower my cup, but I don’t drink any. I am still trying to rid myself of the lump that has formed in my throat. “Congratulations, girl. You’re gonna be a fabulous mum.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Hi, Charlie. Is it still okay for me to come
to the scan with you? Luke x x
I smile as I read the message that has just come through from Luke.
Absolutely. Do you want to meet me
there? Charlie x
He has texted every day since I told him that I am carrying his child. It’s nice to be back in contact with him, but I know that he is worried that I am going to change my mind. He shouldn’t be worried. I am not the type of person to stop a father from having contact with his child, even if the child hasn’t been born yet.
I would feel better if I could pick you
up and we go together. If that’s okay
