Page 49 of Taking Control
“Fine by me,” I say as I take my hand off the keys and gesture for her to walk in front of me.
My eyes immediately focus on her ass.
Damn.
“Have a good time, you two,” Sullivan says, dragging my attention away from her ass and to him.
“Don’t wait up,” I joke.
“Oh, I’ll be all ears, bro,” he says quietly, laughing as I shut the door in his face. Dickhead.
I shut the front door behind me and we walk to the diner, Lucy’s arm linked through mine.
“It’s so nice out,” Lucy comments as the sun starts to set and we stroll down the road like a regular couple.
No. Not a couple. Friends. We’re friends.
I hum in agreement with her. I’m afraid that if I speak, then I will divulge just how much I want to kiss her and pull her into my arms.
“You okay?” she asks, and I turn to look at her. She looks worried as she bites her bottom lip.
Fuck. I’m in trouble.
“I’m okay,” I tell her. “You?”
“You know what? I feel really good. I haven’t felt this happy for a long time, and part of the reason why is you.”
“Me?”
“Yes, Cal, you,” she says with a chuckle, and damn if that chuckle doesn’t send signals to my dick.
I know that she needs time, but I’m still a man in love with a woman, and I won’t apologise for loving her.
“How so?” I ask, because I need to know her answer.
She sighs and shakes her head from side to side, her hair swishing behind her. “You are always there for me, Cal. It doesn’t matter what I do, or what I say, you’re just there. I know that there is still goodness in people, because you show me that there is so much more to appreciate in life.”
I gulp down the lump in my throat from her words. “But… I wasn’t there for you for a long time, Lucy, how can you see me in that way?” I feel so guilty for leaving when I did, and I can’t just shut that off. I know that I couldn’t have foreseen any of what has happened, but it still sucker-punches me that I left her here.
“No one could have predicted what was going to happen, Cal. No one would have guessed that Tom would screw me over and that Michael would prey on my vulnerability and make me think that I didn’t have a choice. It’s their fault, not mine, and not yours.”
“Wow, therapy is really helping, huh?” I say, because since she started going to see someone, she’s been in a much better place. I see her healing daily, and it makes my heart swell. I want nothing but happiness for her, even if I’m not the one to give it to her.
“It is. I know that I didn’t want to go at first, but it’s making me see things differently. Before I just saw me as the problem, but now, now I know that I have no control over the way in which others act. I can’t hold myself responsible for what they did, because I never had a say, I just got suckered in and couldn’t see the truth because I was broken inside. I may have thought that I was in love with Tom and Michael, and on some level, I guess I was, but it wasn’t real love. It wasn’t the real deal… That is still out there, I just have to be patient to find it.”
Damn. I don’t know what to say, I’m lost for words.
Lucy stops walking for a moment, bringing us to a halt as we arrive at the diner. She unlinks her arm from mine and steps in front of me, facing me, luring me in with her beautiful soul.
“I know that I have so much more to work through, Cal, and I just want you to know that if it ever gets too much for you, or if you feel like I start to suffocate you with my problems, I don’t want you to feel as if you can’t walk away––”
I cut her off by placing my hands on her cheeks, caressing her face, letting my thumb rub over her bottom lip.
“It’s never going to happen, babe, so just stop. I’m not going anywhere, and you could never suffocate me,” I tell her honestly, truthfully, whole-heartedly. My heart starts to pound as I sense a shift between us. I see her eyes sparking with hope, with love and with something else. “I’ve been a fool, Lucy. I’ve never truly opened up and let you see what I really feel.” I clear my throat, take a deep breath, all the while keeping my eyes locked on hers. “I spent years wasting time, being a coward and never facing up to what I really want.”
I see her gulp, and I hear her breathing quicken. I’m sure she can hear my heart trying to pound out of my chest, but I don’t care, I need her to know how I feel about her. It may be too soon after Michael, but we’re not just meeting for the first time, we haven’t just started to get to know one another, we have years of trust, friendship and love between us, and I’m counting on that to stop her running the other way.
“Lucy,” I breath out her name and keep talking. “I feel like I’m going crazy here, feeling what I feel on my own, and wondering when the right time is to be honest. I know that there is something between us, because I know you, and I need you to tell me if it’s too soon for you to hear what I am about to tell you, because once I start, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.”
