Page 27 of Taking Control
My two closest friends have seen me battered and bruised.
I’ve shied away from contact with others.
I’ve allowed Michael to have full control.
I never had a chance of getting it back.
I let him do this to me, and now I’m tired.
Tired of the pain.
Tired of the heartache.
Tired of the reign of terror he has over me.
I want my life back.
Cal gave me a lifeline once before, and I threw it back in his face.
Now he’s giving me another one, and I’m going to take it.
Chapter Twenty-One
Peace is shattered
“So, how did you manage to get in here before visiting hours?” I ask Cal once I have calmed down.
“Kim sorted it with the doctor that she spoke to.”
“Oh.” I must ask her how she sweetened up the doctor, although I have a sneaky suspicion that she may have hinted to Doctor Malone some of what I have been through recently, confirming what he already seems to suspect.
“I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to see you since last week, but it’s hard to get to you with Michael shadowing your every move,” Cal says, his eyes looking so fucking sad. I hate that he looks at me that way. I never wanted to be weak, but that is what Michael has done to me. Weak, pathetic, useless.
“I know,” I reply, my feeble answer being the only one that I can give. Cal doesn’t need to give me any explanations or apologies. He isn’t beholden to me, and that scares me.
What if he decides somewhere along the line that I’m too much hassle?
That being near me causes too much pain?
Or what if he simply decides that he doesn’t love me anymore?
I’ve lost sight of all hope that used to live within me. Michael has made me question everything, and I let him do it for so long. Not doubting myself is something that is going to take time to stop doing, and I’m afraid that I may never recover.
The door opens to show Kim trying to balance three coffees in her hands.
“Ouch,” she says as she walks in and kicks the door closed behind her. “Bastard coffee.” She walks quickly to the table by the window and puts the coffees down. “Those cups are fucking boiling.”
Cal and I both laugh at her.
“It’s not funny, I could have burnt myself,” she says, trying to scold us but failing as the smile creeps across her lips.
“Don’t be so dramatic,” Cal says as he gives me a wink.
“Me? Dramatic?” Kim scoffs. “Oh please, you carry three boiling hot coffee cups and see if you don’t find them ridiculously hot.”
I enjoy the light-heartedness of it all. It’s something I have been missing for so long. There’s no stress in this room right now, and that’s because these two have got my back. I know that, I just need to keep reminding myself that I am not alone.
However, Kim’s next question has dread pooling in my stomach. “Is Michael coming to see you today?”
