Page 62 of Losing Control
Chapter Forty-Four
Walking away
After getting dried, putting some clothes on and towel-drying my hair, I walk into the kitchen with a new determination in me.
I don’t want to be scared anymore.
I want to be the person that I once was.
As I look to the lounge, I see Michael sat on the sofa, his head hanging in shame.
Good. He deserves to feel ashamed of what he has done to me.
There is a small part of me that does feel sorry for him, but I slap the feeling away as quick as it comes. I don’t want any guilt to consume me. If I even let a slither of it in, then I am going to be a goner.
“I want my phone,” I say, my voice rock solid for the first time in months.
The tension in the flat radiates around me, but I won’t lose focus. I need to get out of here. Michael keeps his head hanging when he answers me, so I have to strain my ears to hear his muffled answer.
“It’s on top of the wardrobe.”
With purpose, I turn and go back to the bedroom, standing on the bed so that I can peer on the top of the wardrobe. There, at the front, sits my phone and charger. I grab both things and turn my phone on once I have safely stepped down from the bed and back onto the floor. I expect my phone to be dead, but as the screen comes to life I can see that it is nearly at full battery. I suspect that Michael has been keeping watch on who messages me and what they say.
My phone vibrates a few seconds later and I see that I have a few missed calls from Kim, all from this evening, after I left Alan’s. I also have missed calls and texts from Cal.
My heart hammers as I open the texts from him and read through them.
Lucy, I didn’t mean to upset you earlier.
I hope that you can forgive me and we
can repair our friendship. Please give me
a call so we can talk. Cal x
***
Luce, I don’t want to lose you. You have
been my best friend since we were younger.
I love you and I just want to make this
right. Don’t let my behaviour ruin what we
have. Cal x
***
My heart breaks as I picture Cal writing those messages. I know that my reaction to him earlier would have crushed him. It crushed me, but he has no idea that I was just trying to protect myself. He has no clue about what I have been going through, no-one does.
I wasn’t ready to admit it before, but I am now. I’m ready to acknowledge that I need to get out of this abusive relationship with Michael before it’s too late.
I put my phone in my pocket and go back to the kitchen, placing my charger in my handbag. Michael still hasn’t looked up and I would rather that he didn’t. He might be hurting, but so am I and I need to think of myself for a change.
“I’m going to stay somewhere else,” I say, my tone firm and unwavering. Still no response. “I will come and pick up my things in a few days’ time.”
I can hear him sniffle, but I force myself to turn away and walk out of here. I need to piece my life back together, and I can’t do that with him near me.
