Page 5 of Losing Control
I pick my handbag up and make my legs push me off of my chair and into a standing position. I struggle to stop my hands from shaking, so I fold my arms across my chest.
“Have fun you two,” Kim says, smiling away to herself.
“Thanks,” I respond as I continue to move my legs forward.
Michael comes to the side of me and his arm brushes against mine. I feel a tingle run through me. Keep it together, Lucy. You have to see this guy at work, don’t make a fool of yourself.
“I thought that we could go to Alan’s?” Michael says referring to the local ‘up-market’ bistro that is just around the corner from our office.
“Okay.” Thank goodness I decided to wear my smart, black pencil dress today. At least I am dressed appropriately. I give Kim a little wave as she excitedly bounces up and down on her chair. God, she’s like a kid that’s just been told they are going to Disneyland to fulfil all their childhood dreams.
We leave the office and walk in silence to Alan’s as the tension radiates off of me. If Michael picks up on it, he doesn’t say anything, which I am grateful for. He exudes no such tension. He has always come across as confident which only threatens to intimidate me.
“After you,” Michael says as he opens the door to Alan’s for me. I thank him and then we make our way over to the bar. “Did you want to get some food or just a drink for now?” he asks me.
“Just a drink is fine.” I don’t think I could eat even if I wanted to.
“Wine?”
“White, please.”
I wait whilst Michael orders the drinks, my arms still folded across my chest. Alan’s is already busy with people coming here for drinks at the end of their working week. I don’t spot anyone from our office yet, which isn’t a bad thing. I would rather this date be kept hidden from the prying eyes of our colleagues, especially Miriam. She would be a fucking nightmare if she were to get wind of mine and Michael’s little outing.
When our drinks are ready, Michael picks them up and leads me over to a secluded table for two in the far corner of the room. I take a seat opposite him and cross my legs, pleased with his choice of table. Here in the corner, I can keep myself in my little bubble.
I keep my back straight as I pick up my wine and take a sip. The cool liquid glides down my throat and I hope that it does something to help calm me down.
“So, Lucy,” Michael begins as he places his beer bottle on the table. “I finally get the chance to speak to you on your own.”
“Uh, yeah. Sorry about Kim the other day. She gets a bit carried away.” I try to sound as casual as possible, but even I can hear the slight wobble in my voice.
“I can tell,” he replies with a chuckle. “You don’t need to be so nervous, I don’t bite.” His smile relaxes me slightly.
“I’m sorry, I just haven’t been out on a date for a while.”
“A date?” he questions.
Oh shit. Have I read this wrong? Is this not a date? Is it just a friendly drink between co-workers?
“Relax, I’m joking,” he says as he registers the panic on my face. I let out a nervous giggle as relief washes over me that I haven’t read this situation wrong. “I’ve actually been wanting to ask you out for a while now.”
“Really?” I ask, gobsmacked.
“Yeah, but I wasn’t sure how long to leave it after you and Tom split up.”
I feel the familiar emotion of sadness grip me on the inside and swallow down the lump that has formed in my throat. I wasn’t aware that he even knew about Tom.
“Um….” No words come to mind as I battle to quell the discomfort rising within me.
“I apologise. I shouldn’t have brought it up,” he says with his hands held up in front of him. “It’s just that, you know, the office grapevine likes to talk. News travels fast and half of the time you don’t know whether it’s true or not.” He has a genuine look of concern on his face and I instantly feel stupid for my reaction.
Tom is gone, Lucy, but Michael is sat right in front of you.
Michael isn’t Tom.
“It’s okay,” I say finding my voice again. “It’s been six months since we split up, so I shouldn’t let it affect me.”
“Hey,” he says reaching for my hand and placing his on top of mine. The simple gesture has me looking at him, straight into his dark chocolate eyes. “You don’t have to explain yourself. Break-ups are hard, no matter how they occurred.”
