Page 60 of These Wicked Desires

“Excuse me?” Ellis gasps in mock outrage. “I am not stubborn.”

Sterling snorts. “Yes, you are.”

“I am not.”

He raises one silver brow. “Fine. You’re not.”

“Thank you,” she says primly, and turns back to the TV.

I grin over her head at the shifter, and wrap my arm around Cade a little tighter, his silent laughter rumbling in his chest. Yeah. I could get used to this.

Ellis is the first to fall asleep, curled between us where she is safe and loved. The three of us watch her, tracing her features with our gazes. By the time the sun begins to set, I don’t think any of us have slept, besides Ellis. We stayed awake, trapped in our own minds. Dreaming of a future that might be stolen away all too soon.

Ellis

I’m going to puke. And at the same time, I can’t fucking breathe. The abandoned office building spins in my vision, and I drop to the ground. The hard tile floor bites into my knees, but the pain doesn’t even register. I’m too focused on trying to get oxygen into my lungs while keeping my stomach from emptying itself. Even though there’s nothing in it to empty.

It’s not just the fear of losing one of my Shields. It’s not just worry over my sister. I’m going to come face to face with Sam today. My tormenter. My abuser. My deepest nightmare. All of the wounds that have been healing because of my guys, are slowly being reopened. The scabs are peeling away, exposing the raw, bloody nerves that hurt just to think about. I will never be able to face Sam and not fall back into the darkness that I lived in for so long.

Kai kneels in front of me and takes my face in his hands. His gray eyes search mine, but I can’t even focus on them. I squeeze my eyes shut to block out the way everything is tipping from side to side.

“Look at me, baby girl.” His thumb rubs gently back and forth on my cheek. I pry my eyes open, hating how they burn with tears. “I’m going to compel you, okay? Just to help you stay calm.”

Relief and shame wash through me at the same time. I hate that I need him to do this, but if he doesn’t, I’ll never get through what's to come. I nod and stare into his gray eyes as they start to glow with an eerie inner light.

“Breathe, Ellis.” His voice sounds hollow and echoey, but at the same time holds a commanding expectation that I’m drawn to. “You’re going to remain calm while you face Sam. You won’t panic when you see him. Everything is going to be okay.”

His words claw through my brain and latch on. Immediately, the panic recedes, and I’m able to take a deep breath. My body droops, already exhausted from how much energy I’ve expended from worry alone. Kai catches me and hauls me to his chest. I let him hold me for just a moment, letting his strength further bolster my confidence.

“Thank you,” I whisper against his black henley.

He kisses the top of my head and helps me to my feet. Everyone is standing around, dressed in various forms of combat gear—leather armor, fatigues, and lots of weapons. I tug my black shirt down and straighten my spine.

“Okay,” Sterling says, his voice quiet but still echoing in the empty office building. “My group will wait here for a few minutes to allow you guys time to get inside and distract Sam. Connor will go with you far enough to help Cade break through the wards. Everyone understand?”

We all nod and my group heads for the door. Sterling stops me, grabbing my arm and spinning me to face him. He takes my head in his hands and tilts it up so I’m looking at him. “Be careful, Ellis. Stay with Cade and Kai. No matter what happens, don’t leave them.” His icy blue eyes search mine, and I nod. He leans forward and presses a kiss to my lips. “I love you,” he says against my mouth. “Please come back to me.”

The same words I said to him before he ran off and got captured. The same words I said when he challenged Noah. My throat tightens and I have a hard time drawing in a breath, so I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. “I love you too, Sterling.” My voice breaks on his name and I have to pull away. If I don’t, I’m liable to fall apart again, despite Kai’s thrall.

Pushing past him, I grab Cade’s hand and we walk out the door, leaving Sterling behind. Kai’s thrall is helping to keep me semi steady. I’m able to breathe, and my heart isn’t racing to the point where I’m afraid I’ll pass out. But the nausea hasn’t subsided. I press my hands to my stomach and swallow. It doesn’t help.

Connor and Cade step up to the ward and they both frown. Cade steps forward, and walks right through. His magic sweeps ahead of him, a faint purple light that races toward the building.

“No ward. At all.” He looks at Kai and Cole, worry pinching his brow.

Kai shrugs, taking my hand. “It doesn’t surprise me. He wants us to come. Why try to keep us out?”

We walk to the front door, Connor turning around to head back to the other group. Our plan is to distract Sam long enough for them to get in and get Gracie. Then I can end this once and for all. My fingers shake in Kai’s grasp and he gives my hand an encouraging squeeze.

Each step brings me closer and closer to the monster of my nightmares. Each step is one step closer to maybe losing someone I love. Unable to stomach that thought any longer, I tear my hand out of Kai’s grasp and dash to the edge of the walkway. Bending over, I heave spit and bile onto the grass. There was nothing in my stomach to bring back up, but that doesn’t stop my body from trying.

Kai and Cade close in on either side of me. One tucking an escaped curl behind my ear, the other rubbing circles on my back. I take comfort in their presence, reminding myself that they are with me and I don’t have to see Sam alone. Their light and love will help banish the memories that try to drag me under. I wipe my mouth on my sleeve and stand, grimacing at the foul taste clinging to my tongue.

“You okay?” Cade asks, peering into my eyes.

I nod, too afraid if I open my mouth to speak I’ll either puke again or break down in tears. He kisses my forehead before taking my hand and leading me up the cracked front steps of the building.

The ‘warehouse’ as Sam calls it, is an old elementary school he purchased from the city. It was never the nicest building to begin with, but under his ownership, it’s fallen into more disrepair. Vines cling to the tan brick, digging fingers between the stones in an attempt to claw them from the facade. Many of the windows have been boarded up, but a few remain with intact glass. One of those is how we got in the first time when we rescued Sterling.

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