Page 26 of These Wicked Desires

Cade shakes his head. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“It’s just better this way.” By the tone of his voice I can tell he doesn’t mean that.

“What do you mean? Cade, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth.”

Cade whips his head in my direction, disbelief raising his brows to his hairline.

“Look, I don’t like thinking of this because the thought makes me want to scream, and cry, and vomit. But our future is so uncertain.” I swallow the lump that makes my voice wobble. The words I say next taste like ash on my tongue. “Anything could happen, and there is no guarantee we’ll come out of it alive.”

Cade opens his mouth, no doubt to argue with me, but I know it’s true. The guys will do everything they can to protect me, even if that means one of them might not survive. There is no promise they can make that would ensure all of our safety.

I shake my head and continue on, not giving him a chance to speak. “You need to tell him how you feel, Cade. If something were to happen,” I clear my throat as my voice cracks. “If something were to happen, wouldn’t you feel better knowing he knows how you feel?”

“He probably already does. He’s an empath.”

“It's not the same as hearing it. I can feel how much all of you love me in your actions and your touch. But when I hear you say it, it makes me soar. It soothes every broken part of me. The reminder of someone’s love is something we all need.”

Cade says nothing for a while, watching Kai continue his conversation. But when he finally says something, it completely throws me off. “Does it bother you?”

“What?” I ask, rearing back so fast I get a crick in my neck. “Does it bother me that you love Kai?”

Cade studies me closely, eyes traveling over my features as he tries to read me. “Well, yeah. I’m your Shield, Ellis. My entire purpose is you. My focus and attention should all be on you. I shouldn’t love someone else.”

“I take it back,” I mutter. “That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say.” I shift so I’m facing him more fully. “Cade, seeing how much you two love each other makes me so happy. I can’t even begin to describe what it does to my heart. Besides, I love three guys. Why can’t you love more than one person? There is enough room in your heart for both me and Kai.”

He shakes his head and glances at his hands in his lap. “What if he doesn’t feel the same?”

I’ve never heard Cade so unsure before, and it makes me sad to see him this way, but at the same time, I want to laugh. “It doesn’t take an empath to know he does. He looks at you the same way he looks at me. And I swear, if neither of you admit your feelings, I’ll refuse to sleep with either of you until you do. You’re both being incredibly stupid.”

“Gee, Ellis. Tell me how you really feel,” Cade says wryly.

I grab his face in both of my hands and force him to look at me. “Pull your head out of your ass, Cade.”

“What’s he doing now?” Kai asks.

I turn to find him swaggering over, a crooked smile leaving one fang on display. I shove down my desire for him, and push to my feet. “I desperately need to go wash my hair for the next couple of hours.” I shoot Cade a pointed look and turn for the door. “Have fun,” I call over my shoulder, letting the door shut behind me.

Kai

I watch Ellis prance inside, her hips swaying enticingly, until the door closes and blocks my view of her. “What’s her deal?” I ask, turning to Cade. His face is turning an alarming shade of red and he refuses to look at me. “Or maybe I should be asking what your deal is?”

“Nothing.” It comes out a croak and he clears his throat, rubbing the back of his neck.

“And that was convincing.” I sit next to him, debating if I should open my senses to read him, but I’ve just sat my ass on the step when Cade stands up. “Do I smell or something?” I raise my arm and sniff but all I smell is my deodorant. Cade paces back and forth and I watch him, my eyes like ping pong balls in my head.

I let his emotions filter through my barrier, and I’m almost knocked backward with the amount of nerves and anxiety that hit me in the face. Lately, I’ve sensed nerves from both of the guys, which is understandable with everything that's going on. But this … this is extreme. I push to my feet and step in front of him, stopping his pacing with my hands on his chest.

“Cade,” I say quietly, lifting his chin with my finger, forcing him to look at me. “What’s wrong?”

His violet gaze reluctantly reaches mine. “I … can we talk?”

I nod. “Of course.”

Cade climbs the steps and I follow, my gaze landing on his ass looking perfect in those joggers. If it weren’t for the uneasiness in my gut his nerves have created, I’d smack it, or pinch it, or hell, take a bite out of it. I shake myself and sit next to Cade on the porch swing.

“So …” I say after a minute of silence. Cade inhales and I sense him strengthening his resolve. Determination flaring hotly along my mental barrier. It makes my nerves flutter in my stomach. What the hell could he be so scared to talk about?

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