Page 11 of These Wicked Desires

Kai growls, and his body tenses even more.

“You should leave, Drew,” I say, never taking my eyes off Kai. “I’ll be fine.”

“Inside. Now,” Kai says, taking a step forward.

I nod my head and turn around, heading for the porch. Cade watches me with his arms crossed, a look in his eyes that screams with hurt. My heart sinks. I really fucked up. In the living room I perch on the edge of the couch, too nervous to sit all the way back onto the cushions. My gaze bounces between Cade and Kai, and I bite my lip.

“I’m sor?—”

Kai holds out a hand, stopping me. I close my eyes and let my head fall forward, hiding my face in the curtain of my hair. The couch dips, and I know who it is without looking. Even without the scent of cedar and lilac, Kai is too wound up to sit down.

Cade puts his hand on my thigh and something settles within me. “Where did you go, Ellis?”

“I went to talk to Cole,” I whisper. Sterling isn’t back yet, and the guys would have no way to let him know I’m home safe if he’s in his wolf form.

“Why?” Cade asks.

“Because they need to talk.” I look up to meet his gaze. “I think it would be safer to deal with Sam if Noah was out of the picture. Sterling agrees, but he won’t challenge Noah without Cole, and he won’t talk to Cole. So, I talked to him.”

“Sterling won’t like that you got involved,” Cade mutters, his gaze guarded like he’s holding back his emotions.

“I only told him my story. I’m hoping it will help him put some things in perspective, and he’ll be willing to talk to Sterling.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Kai growls, pausing his pacing to stare at me.

I shrug. “I don’t know.” My voice wobbles and tears blur my vision. “I thought you guys would say no. That you would tell me to not get in the middle of them.”

Kai huffs a humorless laugh. “Yeah. You’re probably right.” He shakes his head. “What you did was so incredibly stupid, Ellis!” His words hit me like a slap, and I flinch. “Did you forget how many people are hunting you right now? What if Sam had found you? What if Noah had come home and found you in his house? You left the fucking wards Cade put down for your protection and offered yourself up on a silver fucking platter!”

“It was a mistake. I’m sorry.” I stare at Kai, some of my guilt warping into anger. “And see?” I fling my hand toward him, pacing back and forth. “You just said so yourself. You would have said no. What else was I supposed to do?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe talk to us?” Kai snaps back at me. “Maybe act like a responsible adult instead of a child!”

I grit my teeth and sit up straighter, glaring daggers at him. “You don’t get to talk to me like that just because I messed up.”

Kai huffs a laugh but there’s no humor in it. “No. I get to talk to you like this because you scared the fucking shit out of us by this stupid stunt you pulled. Put yourself in our shoes, Ellis. How would you have felt?”

That cools some of my anger. A single tear slips down my cheek, and I hastily wipe it away. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. I know it’s not enough. It doesn’t fix anything, but I don’t know what else to say.

Kai runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “I need to feed before I say or do something I’ll regret.”

I suck in a breath and bite my lip, but Kai cuts his blood red gaze to me and shakes his head.

“Not from you. I’m too pissed right now. Cade?”

His words cut through me like a jagged knife. It sucks all of the fight out of me and leaves me reeling. It would have hurt less if he had hit me. I almost wish he would have hit me. That I know I can deal with. But knowing he doesn’t want to feed from me, his beloved, it's suffocating.

I gasp for breath and shakily push from the couch. Everything blurs around me as I head for the stairs, feeling like my world has been completely upended. I don’t know how I make it to the bedroom, but when I collapse onto the bed, the tears I’d been holding back break free.

I bury my face in the pillow and sob. Soul crushing sobs that shake my entire body. It’s my fault. I knew they would be mad, but I wasn't ready to deal with the consequences of my actions. I’m so fucking stupid.

I pull a pillow over my head, not wanting to hear anything that happens downstairs. Just thinking about Kai feeding from Cade makes my heart shatter into tiny pieces. I’m his beloved. It always made me feel special that I could provide for him in a way no one else could. And here he is, feeding from Cade instead.

With the pillow over my head, I don’t hear the bedroom door open. I jerk when it gets pulled away and someone sits on the edge of the bed. Sterling runs his gaze over me, a little wild and scared as he makes sure I’m okay. My lips tremble again and I swallow down a sob.

He sighs heavily and scoots to the head of the bed, leaning against the headboard and holding his arms open for me. The sob I tried to hold back escapes, and I crawl to him, letting him wrap me in his arms. I collapse against his chest and cry. I needed this. I needed one of my guys to hold me and let me know that even though I messed up, everything is still okay.

Sterling holds me tightly, like he needs to be sure I’m safe, like he’s trying to hold me together. He doesn’t say anything until my tears run their course. When they do, I’m left hiccuping and sniffling, but I feel a tiny bit better.

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