Page 71 of These Wicked Desires

He’s gone.

Never again will I gaze into those beautiful violet eyes. My skin grows cold knowing I’ll never feel his arms around me. I’ll never taste his lips or inhale his scent again. His laugh will no longer echo through the cabin.

He. Is. Gone.

I’m cracked open and bleeding. Raw and broken. How do I heal without the one who put me back together into the person I am now? How do I get out of this bed knowing a vital piece of my soul has been removed. Cut out. Destroyed.

The pain is unlike any I’ve ever felt. Sam’s abuse and torture was nothing compared to this. I curl onto my side, squeezing my eyes shut tighter against the tears burning to be let loose. My lungs scream for oxygen but I can’t get them to expand. I gasp, a rattling breath that does nothing to ease the ache.

Hands on my cheek, my back, my hair. A combination of voices, soft whispers that I’m unable to process as words. I curl further into myself. Unable to open my eyes and see only two of them in front of me.

“Ellis, baby girl,” Kai says, brushing his knuckles down my cheek. “Ellis, listen to me.”

I shake my head. Where did the numbness go? Where is the oblivion I so desperately need?

“Ellis, look at me.” Kai shakes me slightly, and it infuriates me so much I open my eyes.

“Just leave me alone!” I try to shout, but it comes out more like a croak.

Before I can close my eyes again, his begin to glow. “Listen to me,” he says, his voice haunting and demanding.

I have no choice but to listen now. As much as I want to close my ears and bury myself under the covers, I can’t. I do glare at him though. Why can’t he respect my wishes to be left alone?

“Ellis, Cade is alive.”

I blink at him. He forced me to listen but that doesn’t mean I comprehend his words. Cade is dead. I watched him hit the ground. I saw him staring lifelessly at the ceiling. I held his unmoving body.

Why would Kai do this to me?

His gray eyes are soft and understanding. He gives me a small smile and turns my head with a finger on my chin. Sitting on the bed next to me, is Cade. I blink, mouth falling open. But …

“Ellis, love,” he whispers, eyes filling with tears. Violet eyes I thought I’d never look into again.

I choke on a sob and clutch my chest. Cade’s arms come around me immediately, warm and so very real. All I can do is clutch him and cry. He holds me tight enough to make breathing difficult, but I don’t care.

“How?” I gasp between broken sobs. “I saw …”

Cade rubs his hand up and down my back, the other tangling in my hair to press my face harder to his chest. “Agatha said you healed me.”

I pull away, only far enough to look at him. To make sure this is real. To make sure he’s real. “What?”

“Something about the combination of your tears and fire.” He rubs his chest. The last time I saw him, there was a bloody hole there. “Whatever it was, you saved me.”

I stare at him, unable to comprehend the words. “Is this real?” I whisper, lips trembling and tears falling even harder. I’m so afraid to wake up and find this was all a dream.

“It’s very real, love.” Cade wipes my tears, even though more fall immediately. He gently presses his lips to mine, and I lose all the control I had.

I cry harder than I ever have in my life. Tears and snot flow down my face, and I’m barely able to breathe fast enough to fill my lungs. Cade holds me through all of it. Never once letting go. I cry and cry, until I can’t cry anymore.

Cade shifts us so he’s leaning against the headboard. I lay my head on his chest, and listen to his heart beating under my ear. Thump thump. Thump thump. The steady rhythm echoes in my mind as I fight to keep my eyes open. What if he disappears when I close them?

“Sleep, love,” Cade whispers, tucking my hair behind my ear. “I’ll be right here.”

When I wake again, I hold my breath. The memory of Cade holding me, telling me he’s okay, is too painful. What if it wasn’t real? But as I lay here with my eyes closed, his voice washes over me, rumbling in the chest my head is laying on.

“Are you okay, Kai?” he asks.

Someone shifts behind me, and I know it’s Kai by the slightly cooler limbs pressed against mine under the covers. I take a moment to breathe. To let the realization sink in that I’m sandwiched between Cade and Kai.

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