Page 29 of These Wicked Desires

She releases a breath and leans against him. It’s then I notice the fatigue lining her features and the way her eyelids seem to be weighed down. “Hey, why don’t we all go get some sleep. It’s been a long day.”

She nods and sits up. Her gaze bounces between me and Cade. “Did you two talk?” Her tone is accusatory and demanding. I’m guessing if I say no, she’d make us talk before we went to bed.

I smile. “Yes, we talked. Now, upstairs. We all need some sleep.”

Ellis

Cade and Kai have made themselves scarce today. And I know why they did it. Three days ago Sterling officially challenged Noah. Tomorrow they fight. I haven’t been able to sleep. Everything I eat comes back up. And I’ve chewed my nails to the point I almost don’t have any. I’m a nervous wreck.

Sterling’s hand in mine is big and warm. I would usually find that comforting. His presence has always calmed me, even when we were fighting. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I’m safe with him. But right now? Right now all I feel is a sense of dread. It’s hanging over me like a heavy cloak, pressing me into the ground, making every step I take that much harder.

He leads me through the forest and I take no comfort from the scent of pine that smells so similar to him. The snap of twigs under my feet sounds too much like breaking bones. This walk is having the opposite effect Sterling wanted. Instead of being able to take a deep breath, my lungs have constricted. The forest floor blurs as tears swim in my eyes.

Sterling leads me to a large pine tree. He brushes the limbs aside and pulls me into the shelter they create. Sitting on the ground against the massive trunk, Sterling tugs me into his lap. I can’t see anything past the branches. It’s just me and Sterling, cocooned in the green needles.

He digs in his pocket, pulling out something shiny. “This is for you,” he says, holding up the necklace his mom gave him. The opal dangles from the silver chain, the dim lighting preventing it from showing its facet of colors. “I wanted to wait until we were mated to give it to you, then I decided to ask Cade to put a protection charm on it.” He clasps it around my neck, letting the opal settle right above my breasts. “It will get warm anytime there is danger around. And it will provide a bit of protection against someone trying to harm you.”

I place my hand over the opal, pressing it against my chest while fighting the anxiety that continues to build inside me.

“I’ve never not seen my mom wear it.” His gaze settles on my hand hiding the gemstone. “My dad gave it to her when I was born.”

I want to thank him. I want to tell him how much this means to me, and how much I love it. But I can’t form the words. My lips tremble and I press them together, swallowing the lump of emotion obstructing my voice.

“Please don’t cry, kitten,” he whispers to the top of my head. “I hate when you cry.”

“I’m scared, Sterling,” I breathe.

He tightens his arms around me and I let his warmth soak through my clothing. “You’re going to be fine. Cade and Kai won’t let anything happen to you. And with Co?—”

“Not for me.” My words are strangled, the lump in my throat constricting not just my breath, but my voice. “I’m terrified for you.” The first tears slip down my cheeks and soak into his t-shirt.

Sterling says nothing for a moment. He rubs soothing circles on my back that do nothing to calm me. If anything, it only makes me cry harder. What if it’s the last time he comforts me? What if this is the last time his arms are wrapped around me? I choke on the sobs that crawl up my throat. My entire body shakes with the force of them, and Sterling holds me tighter, trying to keep me together.

“It’s not fair,” I gasp. “We just accepted … accepted the bond. I … I can’t lose you.”

“Shh. Ellis, don’t say that. You’re not going to lose me.” He rocks me gently back and forth until my tears slow.

I wipe my face on the sleeve of my shirt. Tears and snot streaking the dark fabric. “You can’t promise that.”

“I can promise it.” He shifts me so I’m straddling his waist, and he grabs my face in his hands. The usual brightness of his eyes is dimmed. “Even if I don’t win tomorrow, you will still have me.”

He places his hand over my heart. My heart that stops beating entirely at his words. I shake my head, unable to hear or accept what he said, but he doesn’t give me a chance to say anything.

“I will always be with you, Ellis. Even if that's just in spirit. Nothing will ever take me away from you. You will always have my love. Always.”

My lips tremble and my eyes burn again. No. No! That’s not what he’s supposed to say. My heart is breaking. A crack has formed and is slowly spreading, jagged and uneven. Pieces of it are falling and crumbling to dust.

“No matter what happens tomorrow, you’ll be okay,” he says gently. I shake my head, because I will never be okay, but he smiles sadly. “Cade and Kai will take care of you, Ellis. At the end of the day, you’ll be loved and protected. And that’s all I could ever ask for.”

I can’t speak. My lungs, my mouth, my blood won’t allow it. It’s like my body is rejecting the very thought of Sterling not walking off that field tomorrow. I won’t survive that. I know, deep inside, I would never recover from losing him. From losing any of my Shields.

“Ellis,” he breathes, wiping my tears with his thumbs. “I love you.”

I sob. The tears flow freely down my cheeks and there is nothing I can do to stop them. My chest aches, and not just from the force of my crying. I’m already hurting where Sterling’s bond sits warm and content inside of me, like I can already feel it missing.

Sterling kisses me deeply and slowly. I cry through the entire thing, unable to stop. I cling to him, never wanting to let go, because if I do, he’ll disappear and I’ll never see him again. His hands slide under my shirt, his skin warm against my chilled body.

“Ellis, make love to me. Be with me right now.” The words he doesn’t say echo between us. Let me give you one last memory, just in case.

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