Page 75 of These Deadly Dreams

“But I don’t want you to choose me because fate says so,” he says fiercely. “I want you to choose me because you want me. And how the hell could you possibly want me after what I did? Ellis, I’ll never forgive myself for not telling you, and for letting things go that far. You deserve so much better than that. Than me.”

I shake my head. “No. Don’t say that. It’s not true. Besides, I’ve thought a lot about that. You made a mistake in not telling me, and yeah, it hurt. A lot. But, people make mistakes.” I look at my hands in my lap and fiddle with the blanket. “And, I kind of forced you to sleep with me.”

Sterling jerks, his eyes widening. “Like hell you did.”

“It’s true. I wouldn’t take no for an answer. I kept at you until you caved.”

“I didn’t have to cave, Ellis. That was my choice.”

I shake my head again. “I don’t think it was. Not really. The mate bond is … a lot. You were fighting against so much. The bond, your wolf, your own desire. I know it had to have worn you down. I’m impressed you held out as long as you did.”

“Ellis, that’s not?—”

“If I hadn’t pushed you that night, it wouldn’t have happened. That’s on me, Sterling.” My words are firm, leaving no room for him to argue. I take a deep breath and say quietly, “And I’m sorry. I put a lot of pressure on you, and I made everything worse.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.” His eyes are gentle, and I want to dive into them and never re-surface.

“Either way, I am sorry. And I say all of that because I’m trying to make you understand that I do want you.” My throat clogs with tears and I have to swallow before I can continue. His form blurs in front of me as tears build on my lashes and spill over down my cheeks. “I want you so fucking bad it hurts. Cade and Kai are just two parts of me. There’s a third part that’s been missing. It’s like a gaping wound that will never heal.” I wipe away my tears, and embarrassingly, the snot as well. My chest heaves with my sobs, and each one sends pain through my feverish body. “I don’t know how else to tell you. What else I need to do to make you understand. And I’m so scared you’re going to walk away and …” I trail off as words become too hard to get out around my gasping breaths.

“Ellis,” Sterling breathes. The bed dips under his weight as he scoots closer to me.

When his arms come around me, and he scoops me into his lap, the little control I had over my emotions evaporates. I bury my face against his chest and let the tears fall. All of the fear, hurt, and hope comes pouring out of me. I’m helpless to stop it, so I just let him hold me as I purge my body of everything that’s been building up inside.

Drawn by the surge of emotions I’m throwing out into the universe, Kai opens the door and slips inside. “Everything okay?”

I nod and huff a snotty laugh. “Yeah?” I still don’t have an answer from Sterling, so I’m not sure if everything is okay.

“How’s your fever?”

Sterling brushes his hand across my forehead. “Still hot.” Before I can make a smart ass remark, he says, “Fever hot.”

Kai pulls some meds from his pocket like he’s decided to walk around with them just in case. “Here, take these.” He grabs a paper cup from the bathroom and fills it for me. “I’ll give you guys some privacy. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Actually,” Sterling says, “I have something that all of you need to hear.” He shifts me on his lap so he can look at me better. “And you need to hear this before you make any decisions on the bond.”

Dread fills me like ice being poured in my veins. How much more can I handle? Not a lot, at this point. Kai hollers for Cade, and he hops up on the dresser while we wait. Once Cade is seated on the edge of the bed, Sterling gives me one last squeeze, like he’s scared it will be the last one, and sets me back against the headboard. I draw my knees to my chest, hoping I can make myself small enough to avoid whatever words I know are going to hurt.

“Fuck, there is no easy way for me say this.” Sterling runs his hand through his hair and curses when his fingers get stuck again. He looks at me, and I shrink further into myself at the deep well of sadness in his eyes. “Sam was trying to get me to tell him where you were, along with collecting my blood for who the fuck knows what reason. I never told him. My first instinct was to keep you safe, no matter what he did to me.”

I bite my lower lip to keep from saying something. I can’t imagine what he went through, and all because he refused to tell Sam where I was. Tears well in my eyes again, but I blink them away.

“When torturing me didn’t work, he changed tactics. Ellis, he has your sister. She’s alive.”

He has your sister. She’s alive.

I’ve been on a boat a few times in my life. One time, the weather turned too quickly for us to make it back to shore before the storm hit. The feeling of the boat rising high on a wave before plunging down the other side is exactly what I’m feeling now. My stomach drops so fast it makes my head spin. The room wobbles alarmingly and I grab the blanket in my fists like it will keep me upright.

“What?” The word scrapes up my throat, and I blink at Sterling. “That’s not … she can’t be …”

I don’t realize I’m not breathing until Kai hops from the dresser and crouches on the bed in front of me. His eyes take on an eerie glow as he uses his compulsion. “Breathe, Ellis.”

I gasp, a shuddering breath that hurts my chest and throat. “I don’t understand,” I rasp.

“How is that possible?” Cade asks, scooting to sit next to me against the headboard. He takes my hand in his, his finger warm and comforting. “There were two bodies found, right?”

Sterling shrugs. “At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn the reports had been falsified. Noah was there that night. He’s obviously invested in whatever is happening at the warehouse.”

“It actually all makes sense now,” Kai says. He scoots back to be able to see all of us better. “I never understood why Noah would let Ellis live that night. But, he had Grace to keep him occupied, and the knowledge that Ellis was still alive and could be used when needed.”

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