Page 58 of These Deadly Dreams

That’s all the warning I get. Kai pulls out and slams back into me. My arms tremble with the force as I get shoved toward the wall. He keeps up this punishing rhythm, and holy shit. I’ve never been fucked so hard before. My eyes roll back in my head and the sounds falling from my lips piss me off. I want to hate this. I want to stay angry. But Kai is giving me everything my body wants.

Behind me, his grip on my hips never wavers. He’s breathing as heavily as I am, and sweat drips off of him onto my back. I can barely hold myself up as my legs and arms tremble. The pleasure spreading through my body is making me weak. Kai wraps one arm around my middle to support me, at the same time he lowers over my back and runs his fangs along my mark.

Tingles spread from my back and through my limbs. I angle my head, giving him the answer he wants. His fangs sink in and lightning flashes in my veins. My orgasm crashes through me with so much force, only Kai’s arm around my middle keeps me upright.

He doesn’t stop, even after the orgasm ebbs. His hips pound impossibly harder, and he keeps drinking from my neck. When his fingers slide through my center and press down on my clit, I scream. The pleasure makes my body jerk in his arms and my vision blackens. He growls as his cock thickens inside me and he slams home once, twice, three times before his body shudders around mine.

I have never come so hard in my life. My breath is harsh and uneven, and sweat plasters my hair to my neck and forehead. Kai gently retracts his fangs and licks the wound closed. I shudder as every never ending in my body is oversensitive. He slowly pulls out, and keeps his hold on me as I stumble slightly.

I want to turn around and bury myself against his chest. I want his arms to come around me, and hold me tightly to him. But, then I remember what got us in this position in the first place. He fucking compelled me. My anger pushes through the post-orgasmic euphoria.

“Fuck. You.” I mumble and shove him off me. I trip as my legs tangle in my torn leggings, and I shove them off before stalking to the bathroom. Slamming the door behind me, I squeeze my eyes shut. How can I feel so many different emotions at one time? That was the best sex of my life. But, I’m so mad at him for compelling me. I want to go back out there and let him manhandle me again, but at the same time, I want to gouge his fucking eyes out.

Releasing a breath, I turn the shower on and step inside. Maybe this will help clear my head.

When I open the bathroom door, Kai is sitting on the edge of the bed with his elbows resting on his knees and his head hanging down. He glances up, his eyes gray once again, and in them, I see his regret and self-loathing. He knows what he did. And he knows how much I hate it. I can’t help but compare his compulsion to Sam’s treatment of me. Both of them took away my choice and forced me to do something I didn’t want to do.

I grab at my chest as the pain of that realization hits. The betrayal slicing through me like a hot knife, leaving me gasping for breath. I fall against the door frame and sink to the ground as tears burn the back of my throat.

Kai exhales a shaky breath, and I hear him stand from the bed. He kneels next to me, and tentatively places his hand on my shoulder. “Ellis,” he whispers.

Lifting my head, I look at him through watery eyes as tears blur my vision. My lips tremble and I press them together to keep the sob from escaping. Kai squeezes his eyes shut, like the sight of my pain hurts him. When he opens them again, he gently slides his arms under my legs and around my back. Lifting me effortlessly, he walks to the bed and sits, positioning himself so he’s leaning against the headboard with me cradled in his lap.

My arms circle his neck on instinct and I bury my face in his shoulder, inhaling his spice and cherries scent. It settles inside me, making my heart calm in my chest. My beloved. A single tear escapes and soaks into his shirt. The safety and comfort of being in his arms is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. It calms the raging torrent of anger and betrayal.

“Ellis,” he breathes again. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“You guys have always made sure my voice is heard,” I say shakily. “From the very first moment, I was able to make choices for myself and you honored them. Tonight was like … was like being with Sam again.” He tenses under me, his breath catching in his chest. “Not the sex,” I clarify, because I know that’s where his mind went. “But just the feeling of not being able to make my own choice. Being forced to follow a command I didn’t want to follow. You’ve only ever used your compulsion on me to help me, not to force me into something.”

He exhales, his breath ruffling the hair on top of my head. “I hated doing it, Ellis. I’ll never be able to tell you how much I hated it. And I’ll forever be sorry for it. But … I don’t regret it. I’ll do whatever I have to do to keep you safe. Even if you hate me for it.”

“I don’t hate you,” I mumble and snuggle closer to him. “I hate what you did, but I understand why you did it. As my Shield, it’s your job to protect me, and I have to let you do that. I trust you with my life, so I have to trust your decisions are the best ones.”

“Not just as your Shield, Ellis,” he murmurs. “As your beloved, I want nothing more than to make sure you're safe and happy. That is all I will ever want.”

I swallow the lump in my throat his words created, even as a sense of contentment settles within me. My fingers thread through the hair at the nape of his neck, and I idly play with the strands while we fall into a comfortable silence.

“Ellis?” Kai asks timidly after a few moments.

“Hmm?”

“About earlier,” he pauses, and his chest rises with a breath. “Did I … did I hurt you at all? You told me to stop, but your emotions said something else entirely.”

My heart squeezes at the worry lacing his words. “You didn’t hurt me,” I say quietly. “You would have known if I didn’t want it. As pissed as I was, I still wanted you. I’ll always want you.” My lips curve into a smile as I say, “Honestly, it was the best sex I’ve ever had. So fucking hot.”

His chest rumbles under my ear as he laughs, before he sobers again. “Sometimes, when the monster comes out, I can’t stop it. Even though I know what I should do, it’s too hard to control him.” He rubs his hand up and down my back, and I settle closer to him. “I’m having a hard time keeping your emotions outside my mental shields. They slip through no matter how hard I try to keep them out. And the stronger they are, the more they affect me. Your anger tonight fueled my own, and before I knew it, the monster was out and ready to play.”

I sit up so I can look at him. I want to make sure he believes me. “I’m not scared of it. I’m not scared of any part of you.” When he swallows and tries to look away, I place my hand on his cheek to keep him looking at me. “Kai, I love you. I love all of you. And I trust that you’ll never hurt me. The monster … it’s part of you. And I know it won’t hurt me either.” In fact, any time the monster has come out to play, it’s done nothing but give me the best orgasms of my life.

Kai buries his face in my neck and shudders. He says nothing, but his hold on me tightens, and I know those were words he needed to hear.

I run my fingers through his hair, nails gently scraping his scalp, as he soaks in my affection. Sometimes I forget that these badass, powerful creatures have their own insecurities and weaknesses. And I love being the one who can give them the reminder that they are more than enough.

“I love you, Kai,” I whisper, kissing the top of his head.

He squeezes me tighter. “Thank you,” he whispers back.

24. Ellis

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