Page 38 of These Deadly Dreams

And, yeah. He shouldn’t have slept with me. But I kind of forced it. I didn’t let him say no, and he fought it as hard as he could. In the end, the bond and his wolf won. Again, I can’t blame him for that.

Something his mom said tonight hit me. It forced me to think of things in a different light. Fate will always find a way. Fate put him in that situation ten years ago. Fate put him back in my life with this contest. Fate is not giving up. We are supposed to be together, and even my heart knows that. I can feel it. And I’m so tired of being mad at him. I want to let it go. I want to know him better, as my mate, my shield. I want … him.

His icy blue eyes are so sad. He’s carrying so much weight on his shoulders, and I want to take that away. And I can. I can take all that despair away. I just have to accept the bond.

“Sterling, if I?—”

He cuts me off. “No. I know what you’re going to say, and I don’t want you to accept the bond because you know it will help me get my family back. That’s not what I want. My intention in bringing you tonight was not to make you feel that way. I wanted to give my mom something to hold onto when things get dark. If you accept the bond, I want it to be because you want to. That’s it.”

His eyes shutter, and my heart drops to my stomach.

“That’s not what I meant,” I say.

“We should go.” He stands abruptly, and sets me on my feet.

I stand frozen in place as he walks away. My chest is hollow and cold. Kai brushes my arm as he walks past to join Sterling, and Cade stops in front of me, lifting my chin with a finger.

“Give it time, love.”

I blink back my tears. “I don’t know what to do,” I whisper.

Now he’ll never believe me when I say I want the bond. He’ll always question my motives. Suddenly angry at everything, I brush my tears away and stomp past Cade. How the fuck is any of this fair? Why has fate made it so difficult? If we’re meant to be together, why make it such a fight?

We reach the car hidden behind the ivy covered wall, and I climb into the backseat, slamming the door shut behind me. Kai cringes and opens his mouth to say something, but one scathing look from me, and he quickly changes his mind.

The ride back to the cabin is filled with tense silence, and Kai’s curses as the car bumps over the uneven terrain. I ignore all of it and seethe in quiet anger until we reach the cabin.

“Ellis?” Cade pops his head into the bedroom. His expression is weary, as if he’s afraid to say the wrong thing.

I guess I’ve been a little pissy since meeting Sterling’s mom.

“We’re gathering in the living room. We have some things we need to talk about.”

I set down the book I was pretending to read. In reality, I’ve been skulking around the cabin for the past day, content to ride my anger. “Meeting about what?” I ask. I don’t fail to notice the bleakness in my voice. When was the last time I sounded like that? Back when I was with Sam, no doubt.

Cade’s jaw tenses, but he says, “We need to work on getting the proof that Kennedy isn’t your dad.”

I sigh, standing from the bed and brushing past him. Before I can descend the stairs, he grabs my hand and turns me to face him. His violet eyes scan my face, and based on his expression, he doesn’t like what he sees. I want to pull away, but something stops me. Underneath the concern in his eyes, something else shines brightly. Something I desperately need to see.

He leans forward and gives me a gentle kiss. “I love you, Ellis.” He fans his hands on either side of my face, tilting my head up to make me look at him. “Don’t forget I’m here for you. Kai and I both are here for you. Don’t shut us out. We will do anything you need us to. All you have to do is ask.”

I sigh and let myself collapse against his chest. His arms immediately surround me and the fight drains away. “I just don’t know what to do,” I say for the hundredth time. “I’ve done so much thinking on this thing between me and Sterling, and I know things aren’t perfect between us, but I’m ready to accept the bond.” Rubbing my chest, I look up at Cade. “I don’t want you and Kai to think you’re not enough for me. Because you are. But, I just don’t feel complete inside without him.”

Cade takes my hand and pulls me back into the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed. I sit next to him and stare at my hands in my lap.

“Now that I know what you guys are, what I am, I’ve been able to really think about things,” I say quietly. “I’ve never really been afraid of you, which is huge for me. There was always some part of me that knew I could trust you. And while my brain tried to fight that, my soul recognized you for what you were, even if I didn’t realize it at the time.” I glance into his eyes, and tears blur my vision when I see the adoration in his gaze. “As soon as I learned what you guys are to me, it’s like a piece of the puzzle fit into place. I felt whole for the first time. But without Sterling, it’s like part of me is still missing. And I don’t know how to make him understand that.”

Cade wipes away the tears that track down my cheeks. “Have you really tried to talk to him?”

I shake my head. “I just came to terms with everything the other day. When I tried to talk to him, he stopped me and he wouldn’t hear me out.”

“Give him some time to work through everything. It’s the first time he’s seen his family in decades. Let him process what happened, then try again. He wants to be your mate, Ellis. Don’t think otherwise.”

“I want to help him process everything. I want to be there for him, but he won’t let me.”

“Sterling has always handled situations like this without help from anyone. He’s always held personal things close to the chest. Don’t take it personally. It’s just who he is. But, tell him you’re here for him. Make sure he knows you really mean it. Then, if he wants to, he can come to you.”

I wipe my cheeks and sniff. “Okay. Thank you, Cade.”

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